I wasn’t going to write a wrap-up blog. I mean, I certainly won’t write a blog about resolutions, but guys, 2013 was a big year for me.
But I don’t want to remember just the big moments. I want to remember the fleeting moments in between. Maybe not the shitty first dates or that week when I was all alone in unbearable pain and not a single person stopped by to check on me.
Actually, I do want to remember that because on days I feel weak, I want to remember how I made it through hell and survived. One week with wisdom tooth pain may not seem like hell to a lot of people but when you combine the depression and the disappointment of realizing that certain people you counted on don’t really give a shit about you, it became something I had to survive. And survive, I did.
According to Facebook, my first big moment of 2013 was getting an apartment. Well, yeah. That was a pretty big deal and I did blog about it.
I want to remember going to my first comic-con, standing in lines forever and meeting one of my favorite people. My first interaction with him resulted in me taking a picture with ‘crazy eyes’ because I was so nervous. Second interaction went a lot better because I got to shake his hand and talk to him about DC.
I want to remember that weekend I flew to Florida to be a bridesmaid for the first time. I had the honor of standing just a few feet away from one of my best friends as she married the love of her life.
I want to remember how miserable I was on my birthday. I want to remember the betrayal and the disappointment. I want to remember the struggles and the little victories.
I want to remember that I had moments like this
“But did you really just (publicly) rebrand a 1400 year old tradition as…“sobermonth?””
“I did. I was having a moment.”
I want to remember that I tried to find escape at the bottom of countless bottles, making a fool out of myself and sinking deeper into depression, before fighting my way back to the top.
I want to remember why I will never ignore my gut instinct.
I want to remember that I was raw before the wounds began to heal.
I want to remember how I learned to ask for help.
I want to remember that people probably won’t like me and that’s OK, because hey I am beautifully different, I let love win and I wrote a blueprint for what you should know about dating me.
I want to remember that I published my first book and told the uncomfortable truth about it, found the sister I’ve always wanted and I never, ever gave up.
Oh and I shared my big, huge secret with the world.
2013 was a hell of a year, guys. A hell of a year. But you know what? I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world. I want to remember 2013 because it was the year I finally let go of dead weight, stopped letting fear win, came out of the shadows and figured out who I am. I don’t know the exact moment the shift happened, but 2013 was the year I transitioned from an insecure girl dulling her light for the sake of others to a woman who recognizes her own value and won’t let anything or anyone stand in her way.
I want to remember the year I stopped falling down the rabbit hole and began believing in the impossible.
5 thoughts on “How I Want to Remember My 2013”
Your blog is so awesome! Anyway, I must admit reading this reflection post reminds me so much of myself. You’re brave for wanting to remember the not-so-glorious moments that lead to irreplaceable life lessons, not everyone realizes how important those are to reflect on. Have a wonderful year 🙂 I’ll definitely be reading. I saw you on 20SB and had to come see for myself!
Hi Jay! Thanks so much for taking the time to come over to my blog and comment. I hope that you have a wonderful 2014 and hope to see you around my blog!
that’s awesome!! I wonder if your 2014 was just as good ? I hope so!! ! !
You’re so beautiful, omg you kinda look like Lana del Rey?!