How I Want to Remember My 2013

I wasn’t going to write a wrap-up blog. I mean, I certainly won’t write a blog about resolutions, but guys, 2013 was a big year for me.

But I don’t want to remember just the big moments. I want to remember the fleeting moments in between. Maybe not the shitty first dates or that week when I was all alone in unbearable pain and not a single person stopped by to check on me.

Actually, I do want to remember that because on days I feel weak, I want to remember how I made it through hell and survived. One week with wisdom tooth pain may not seem like hell to a lot of people but when you combine the depression and the disappointment of realizing that certain people you counted on don’t really give a shit about you, it became something I had to survive. And survive, I did.

According to Facebook, my first big moment of 2013 was getting an apartment. Well, yeah. That was a pretty big deal and I did blog about it.

I want to remember going to my first comic-con, standing in lines forever and meeting one of my favorite people. My first interaction with him resulted in me taking a picture with ‘crazy eyes’ because I was so nervous. Second interaction went a lot better because I got to shake his hand and talk to him about DC.

I want to remember that weekend I flew to Florida to be a bridesmaid for the first time. I had the honor of standing just a few feet away from one of my best friends as she married the love of her life.

I want to remember how miserable I was on my birthday. I want to remember the betrayal and the disappointment. I want to remember the struggles and the little victories.

I want to remember that I had moments like this

“But did you really just (publicly) rebrand a 1400 year old tradition as…“sobermonth?””

“I did. I was having a moment.”

I want to remember that I tried to find escape at the bottom of countless bottles, making a fool out of myself and sinking deeper into depression, before fighting my way back to the top.

I want to remember why I will never ignore my gut instinct. 

I want to remember that I was raw before the wounds began to heal.

I want to remember how I learned to ask for help. 

I want to remember that people probably won’t like me and that’s OK, because hey I am beautifully different, I let love win and I wrote a blueprint for what you should know about dating me.

I want to remember that I published my first book and told the uncomfortable truth about it, found the sister I’ve always wanted and I never, ever gave up.

Oh and I shared my big, huge secret with the world. 

2013 was a hell of a year, guys. A hell of a year. But you know what? I honestly wouldn’t change it for the world. I want to remember 2013 because it was the year I finally let go of dead weight, stopped letting fear win, came out of the shadows and figured out who I am. I don’t know the exact moment the shift happened, but 2013 was the year I transitioned from an insecure girl dulling her light for the sake of others to a woman who recognizes her own value and won’t let anything or anyone stand in her way.

I want to remember the year I stopped falling down the rabbit hole and began believing in the impossible.