Down the Hall from the Couch

So a newly 20-something girl moves cross-country after breaking off an engagement to live by herself for the first time. I mean, that just reads like a cliche. Every time I sat down to write this post, I didn’t know where to begin. 

I guess I could begin by telling you how it took me over two weeks after moving in to actually sleep in my own bed in my apartment. It’s not that I didn’t have a bed, or bedding, or any logical reason like that. When I slept on the couch, I felt more comfortable because that tiny hallway between the living room and my bedroom felt like a path to a new dimension. When I crashed at my best friend’s house while waiting for my apartment to be ready, I slept on her couch. The bedroom doors were closed, but I knew that there was someone there. I wasn’t alone. (Yeah, I’m weird. As if you didn’t know this already…)

In my new apartment, in this new city and this new life, I was already feeling scared and lonely. Don’t get me wrong – I am SO glad to be living on my own, but I’ve never actually spent a lot of nights alone in the past. I went from living with family to roommates to shacking up with my boyfriend. So even if I fell asleep in the living room, there was always someone else on the other side of closed doors.

Believe it or not, sleeping on the couch was comforting to me. As long as I was on the couch, the apartment wasn’t empty.  One day, sometime during the first week, I got all gung-ho and decided that I would make it down the hall that night. I started getting ready for bed and then decided to start unpacking a couple of my boxes to start putting books on the bookshelf I had in there. 2 hours later, the bookshelf was full, there were books strewn all over my bed and I was exhausted.

So back to the couch I went.

The books stayed there for a few days. I got busy with work, errands, building furniture, and then cleared my bed. Then I stayed at my friend’s house after we’d all gone out to celebrate a birthday. After that, it was clean laundry on my bed for a few days.

Then my wisdom teeth started acting up and the pain literally glued me to the couch, to the point days kind of blurred into each other.

In case you’re wondering, I finally made it to the bedroom. I’m happy to announce that my new mattress is very comfortable. I, however, didn’t fall asleep until around 2:30ish am. Once I finally fell asleep, the Dexter calendar falling down LOUDLY in my kitchen jerked me awake. I thought about getting up to check on what made the noise. What if it was a psycho intruder? (Have you been watching The Following? If you’re a single woman living alone, I don’t recommend watching it late at night).

Fuck it, I would just die in my comfy new bed, because I had finally made it to the bedroom.


  • Elizabeth

    Living alone definitely takes some getting used to, but it’s worth it. Even with the scary noises. Glad you’re settling in!

  • Cass

    Oh man, I remember that scary period when you’re by yourself and things are *too* quiet (how are things *too* quiet?). The great news is soon enough it will pass and you will LOVE living by yourself. Sometimes I miss it.

  • amperrlee

    1. I know exactly what you mean. The first time I lived alone was immediately following a breakup, and the feeling of actually being alone was freaaaaaaky.

    2. Now I miss it.

    3. Seriously, with ‘The Following.’ I watched the first two episodes of that show with my hands over my face. Can’t even.

  • John Thuku

    It takes some time getting used to living alone in your house but unless you are avid watcher of scary movies, you won’t have any problems.