Reclaiming the Narrative

A few weeks ago, I logged into this site to update the header image with more recent pictures. 3 hours later, I emerged from the depths of this blog after having read through 15 years’ worth of posts and with a completely brand-new look & feel.

The most interesting posts weren’t the ones around the pivotal points in my life, but the ones in between. Before personal blogging became commercialized, we were a community. We would exchange prompts, comment on each other’s posts, and just have fun. Those prompts were fun to see but also made me nostalgic for more than my youth. But that’s a conversation for another day.

Today, I turn 39-years-old.

Such a weird fucking age.

Instead of doing resolutions on January 1, I use my birthday to reflect on my life and the previous year. But 38 was just so weird, in the sense that it just was.

• I got diagnosed with ADHD 3 years after my bipolar 2 diagnosis.
• I began working out again.
• I’ve fully left Twitter and embraced Threads, which has brought some amazing people into my life, but I still mourn the loss of the place that brought me so much over 15 years.
• I made more core memories with my favorite people, took more ferry rides in Istanbul, cheered on Filenin Sultanları, celebrated the 100th anniversary of the Turkish Republic from afar.

I’ve begun writing more recently, which brings us to the title of this year’s birthday blog post. At the end of that unplanned refresh of this blog, I realized that “The World Is My Jester” no longer accurately reflects the mood of this blog (or my life, really). Over the past few years, I’ve focused on “reclaiming my narrative,” and I’ve touched on that in previous blog posts. Turns out, it’s kind of hard to define your narrative if you can’t find the energy to actually write and share that with the world.

But as I move forward, looking ahead to that pivotal 4th decade of my life and beyond, Being Berrak is going to be about owning my voice, reclaiming the narrative, and continuing to define what that means.

And well, for one, that means that the Amplifier is back. I mean, I haven’t really gone anywhere, especially if you consider what I share in my Instagram stories on a daily basis. But I’m reclaiming the title.

So, birthday wishes. The last time I wrote a blog post was 3 years ago and this is how I ended it:

A personal brand so strong that my closest friends regularly “replicate my selfie face.”

A personality so effervescent that the ridiculous spills across borders.

A heart so resilient that I know I’ll always make it through.

A brain so combative that fights against me, but most days, it fights for me.

Like I recently told a friend, I am a lot and I’m OK with that.

My birthday wish is to continue being OK with who I am and surround myself with the people who appreciate that I will continue to love things & people passionately and enthusiastically without justifying my feelings. I hope that my words continue to resonate, and more people want to read them, either on this blog or in my newsletter (Psst, a good present would be subscribing)

Thank you for being along for the ride.