When things get overwhelming, I retreat back into my comfort zone.
When you’re living life pushing the boundaries everyday, sometimes, you want to be back in a place where everything makes sense.
You come back ready to face the world: Refreshed. Clear headed. Focused.
I’ve been needing my comfort zone lately. Life has been overwhelming. Lots of changes – lots of stress.
One problem though.
I no longer have a comfort zone. It’s gone. So I’m just stuck in this whirlwind, unable to step back. Unable to re-focus.
“But wait. How does a comfort zone disappear?” you ask.
Until recently, I couldn’t figure out what happened. I thought I was just too far gone to the point that even my comfort zone couldn’t help me.
Then I realized it. Everything that qualified as my ‘comfort zone’ in my life was gone.
Ever since I took the positive approach to my life, and got rid of the negativity, I’ve been without a safety net.
Because my comfort zone was self-destructive.
Whenever life got to be too much, I would go back to the familiar (comfort zone) which was full of self-destructive behavior (i.e. day drinking) and dysfunctional relationships that helped me escape, instead of recover.
Frustrated about work? Go have a cocktail. During the day.
Don’t want to think about anything? Go have meaningless sex (which I would later cry about over a cocktail)
Overwhelmed with school work? Drop the class. Deal with the consequences later.
Pissed about money? Go shopping.
Don’t want to deal with this downward spiral? Surround myself with those who validated it & enabled my behavior.
That was my illusion of comfort that swallowed up my life, and who I needed to become.
Yes, we all need to escape life once in a while but not in a way that brings even more destruction to fix.
So now that I’m aware of this loss, I need to find a new comfort zone.
I need to create it.
This is difficult because I have no chance to refresh, and deal with everything life is throwing at me without a retreat – which means I have no time to actually seek comfort & figure out what helps me clear my head.
So I take baby steps.
Whether it’s just stepping away from the internet for an hour or 5;
Or reading a book, even if it’s just for 10 minutes;
Or taking the bus home versus the metro…
I’m making my life make sense again. For me.
Because, let’s face it, as much as I love my fiance, I need a comfort zone that keeps him out at times. (I’d be lying if some of the stress lately hasn’t been because of our issues. Relationships are hard, yo)
So, that’s where I am right now.
It’s where I’ve been for the past couple of months.
I’m slowly finding my way back so I can continue to push the boundaries & live my life to the fullest – out of the comfort zone I am slowly re-creating.