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Big girls do cry

Last night, I cried. It was unexpected. It was inevitable. It was necessary.

Ironically, it was after an incredibly fun night with my awesome friends. We’re in a mini golf league this summer, have I mentioned that? Last night was the first night. We drank beers, laughed and hit balls. Afterwards, we went for food and drinks. It was a good night. It was a great night.

Then I walked home. It was a full moon. It was a beautiful Seattle night, with the smell of the rain still lingering.

I came home, undressed, headed straight to bed – and started crying.

There’s been this loneliness creeping underneath the surface. This pain that I don’t talk about, and try not to think about.

My life is good, I remind myself daily.

I’m loved, my friends remind me.

I do good work, my coworkers tell me.

I’m not alone, but I am often lonely.

One of my best friends and I were having a conversation a couple of weeks ago and I teared up a little. We hadn’t had a one-on-one in a while. She reminded me that being independent and building the life I want can be, ironically, lonely.

That’s the way it goes.

Crying is good. It’s cleansing. I’m emotional – it’s part of the package.

The loneliness, though? I don’t know how to overcome it. It’s the biggest irony of my life. An ambivert with an independent soul that craves solitude to recharge – but also craves the intimacy provided by other people.

So, sometimes, I just cry myself to sleep.

The next day is always a little better, even if my heart is always heavy.

a good cry
{ 16 comments… add one }
  • SHERRY KEEF June 3, 2015, 5:07 pm

    I second this statement,
    Crying is good. It’s cleansing. I’m emotional

  • Sze Cheung June 3, 2015, 7:20 pm

    Great post !!!

  • Reava Bennett June 3, 2015, 7:51 pm

    After I have a good cry, sometimes I feel even worse. Like I gave in to the impulse to be weak. I feel at times that I’m too strong (or faking it) for my own good.

  • John Thuku June 3, 2015, 9:07 pm

    It is okay to cry. Rather than bottling up all those feelings, let them out. You will feel much better.

  • Mai Tran June 4, 2015, 1:25 am

    I feel lonely all the time though I live with the boyfriend. Sometimes, life gives us lemon.

  • Lamia L June 4, 2015, 5:21 am

    I swear I understand this feeling, I also was crying alone like two days ago wondering about life…

  • Kristin Knudsen June 4, 2015, 6:23 am

    I know what you mean! I always feel better after a good cry! There is no reason for anyone to judge anyone, because they cry! It’s a great sense of relief!!!

  • Courtney Bella June 4, 2015, 6:44 am

    I think a good cry will does help you feel better.
    good for you for being able to write your emotions down on this blog!!!! xoxoxo

  • SHERRY KEEF June 6, 2015, 4:16 pm

    A good cry is a well needed emotion from tie to time.

  • Paula Bianca Gamboa June 6, 2015, 11:57 pm

    Crying really can make you feel better. I feel you

  • Kristin Knudsen June 8, 2015, 6:14 am

    When the need arises, a could cry is always good for you! You can feel so much relief from a good cry! So, go for it!!!

  • Starla June 8, 2015, 4:05 pm

    Aw, I agree with you 100%. It is completely necessary and nothing is wrong at all. Stay strong and be happy! xo

  • Kristin Knudsen June 11, 2015, 2:52 am

    Crying should never be seen as a sign of weakness! It is a sign that when you’re finished crying, you will be invincible – due to you regaining your strength, after releasing your tension!

  • Courtney Bella June 14, 2015, 2:48 pm

    I love your writing 🙂 your blog is more like poetry to me..
    thanks for sharing!

  • AC June 15, 2015, 2:28 pm

    i struggle with this daily. It is good to know I am not alone.

  • Ben November 11, 2015, 8:39 pm

    I really needed this post right now…so, thanks! I sent you a personal note on Facebook, but I’m not sure if you check it often.

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