Big girls do cry

Last night, I cried. It was unexpected. It was inevitable. It was necessary.

Ironically, it was after an incredibly fun night with my awesome friends. We’re in a mini golf league this summer, have I mentioned that? Last night was the first night. We drank beers, laughed and hit balls. Afterwards, we went for food and drinks. It was a good night. It was a great night.

Then I walked home. It was a full moon. It was a beautiful Seattle night, with the smell of the rain still lingering.

I came home, undressed, headed straight to bed – and started crying.

There’s been this loneliness creeping underneath the surface. This pain that I don’t talk about, and try not to think about.

My life is good, I remind myself daily.

I’m loved, my friends remind me.

I do good work, my coworkers tell me.

I’m not alone, but I am often lonely.

One of my best friends and I were having a conversation a couple of weeks ago and I teared up a little. We hadn’t had a one-on-one in a while. She reminded me that being independent and building the life I want can be, ironically, lonely.

That’s the way it goes.

Crying is good. It’s cleansing. I’m emotional – it’s part of the package.

The loneliness, though? I don’t know how to overcome it. It’s the biggest irony of my life. An ambivert with an independent soul that craves solitude to recharge – but also craves the intimacy provided by other people.

So, sometimes, I just cry myself to sleep.

The next day is always a little better, even if my heart is always heavy.

a good cry

16 thoughts on “Big girls do cry

  1. I second this statement,
    Crying is good. It’s cleansing. I’m emotional


  2. After I have a good cry, sometimes I feel even worse. Like I gave in to the impulse to be weak. I feel at times that I’m too strong (or faking it) for my own good.


  3. It is okay to cry. Rather than bottling up all those feelings, let them out. You will feel much better.


  4. I feel lonely all the time though I live with the boyfriend. Sometimes, life gives us lemon.


  5. I swear I understand this feeling, I also was crying alone like two days ago wondering about life…


  6. I know what you mean! I always feel better after a good cry! There is no reason for anyone to judge anyone, because they cry! It’s a great sense of relief!!!


  7. I think a good cry will does help you feel better.
    good for you for being able to write your emotions down on this blog!!!! xoxoxo


  8. A good cry is a well needed emotion from tie to time.


  9. Crying really can make you feel better. I feel you


  10. When the need arises, a could cry is always good for you! You can feel so much relief from a good cry! So, go for it!!!


  11. Aw, I agree with you 100%. It is completely necessary and nothing is wrong at all. Stay strong and be happy! xo


  12. Crying should never be seen as a sign of weakness! It is a sign that when you’re finished crying, you will be invincible – due to you regaining your strength, after releasing your tension!


  13. I love your writing 🙂 your blog is more like poetry to me..
    thanks for sharing!


  14. I really needed this post right now…so, thanks! I sent you a personal note on Facebook, but I’m not sure if you check it often.


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