Confession: I’m Sick of the ‘Single Life’ Articles

sculpture garden

Every few weeks or so, the internet goes through different cycles and my news feeds are inundated with 50 different variations of the same topic. Lately, the focus seems to be all about the single life, the woes of online dating, and oh, the same five questions all of us single ladies are supposedly hearing every single day.

I’m single and with the exception of my one long-term relationship (where I went through the full cycle of moving in with him, getting engaged, taking engagement pictures, calling off the wedding and then living with him for close to year after we’d broken up before moving cross-country), I’ve been single my entire life.

I used to be really bitter about being single (but still a hopeless romantic at the end of the day). My best friend and I were talking about it the other day.

“When we first met, sometimes it seemed like all you could talk about was meeting guys and online profiles.”

I met her 7 short months ago. I know exactly what she was talking about, because I was trying to fill a void in my life. I thought that my life would be better and I would be happier if I had a boyfriend. I was terrified that calling off my wedding meant that I would never have anyone love me again. I was letting my relationship status define me because I was feeling like a failure at life (unemployment and depression will do that to you.) The reason I can write this post is that I climbed out of my funk and stopped letting my relationship status define me.

One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is:

“Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” – The Wedding Date

It’s not the popular opinion but it’s true. When I was desperate for companionship and attention, that desperation only drew in certain types of people (or none at all). Maybe stop talking about your dating life for a while. When you’re catching up with an old friend, instead of talking about that awful date you went on last week, talk about your work. Talk about the great new restaurant you tried out or the last great book you read.

Give back to the community. Pick up a new hobby.

I bet you the questions about your dating life will stop being the first thing people ask you, unless you’re a dating blogger and you get paid to talk about relationships.

Chances are, though, you aren’t.

Here’s the thing about being single: Some days it sucks. Others, it’s awesome. Then there are those days we go through all of the stages of being single in the span of 12 hours.

Sure, we sometimes get asked the questions that drive us crazy. But not as often as these articles will make you believe. Maybe that’s just me, because I rarely have people ask me questions on whether or not I’m gay, or if I’m being too picky or if there’s something wrong with me. Am I just not hanging out around these people? Is there a conglomerate of old ladies that I manage to avoid on a daily basis or are these single women just going to a lot of weddings and family functions?

You know what? Maybe I am being too picky. As a 28-year-old woman who has been on a lot of shitty dates, who has been the rebound girl, and who has spent a few nights regretting a lot of bad decisions, you bet your ass I’ll be picky about the next person who enters my life. Because I’m a busy person. My life isn’t defined by my relationship status. I have worked really hard to create a life I am proud of and that makes me happy at the end of the day. I have a group of great friends that I love hanging out with (yes, they’re married couples and I’m the single one, though that’s never an issue), I have my own hobbies (that I would love to share with a significant other) and I just moved to a new city I am dying to explore. I have nerdy shows to catch up on Netflix, hundreds and thousands of books to read and ya know, sleep at some point.

What I’m trying to say is that let’s take the focus off of our relationship status. Ladies (and gentlemen), you have a lot to offer to the world. So start offering it.

If you feel like your life isn’t interesting enough, then maybe you should do something about that. Take yourself out on dates. Learn to love your own company. Do the things you love by yourself, so that when the time comes and you share them with a significant other, it’ll be a brand new experience.

Example: There’s a spot near Pike Place Market in Seattle that I love. I always say it’s the spot where I fell in love with Seattle the first time I visited. I go there often, even if it’s just to drive by. A few months ago, I spent a whole day sitting on the grass in that spot with someone I had started dating. It was great to see the same spot through his eyes. It was interesting to see the things he pointed out, to watch where his eyes were drawn and the different way he appreciated the same experience.

As far as the loneliness goes, let me be real honest here: I was more lonely when I was in the wrong relationship than I have been the entire time I’ve been single. Does it suck sometimes? Sure. We all get lonely. 

I’m not being hypocritical or preaching. But as a single woman who does have an online dating profile (but doesn’t feel the need to check it every single day), I know the woes about online dating. I know the ups and downs of being single.

There are bonuses to being single and bonuses to being in a relationship with the right person. There’s also a hell of a lot more to your life, so go celebrate it.

But if you are going to read an article on being single, make sure it’s this one. I promise it’ll be the most valuable thing you read today (well, about being single).

"Do the things you love by yourself, so that when the time comes and you share them with a significant other, it’ll be a brand new experience."

The spot where I fell in love with Seattle

How I Want to Remember My 2013

I wasn’t going to write a wrap-up blog. I mean, I certainly won’t write a blog about resolutions, but guys, 2013 was a big year for me.

But I don’t want to remember just the big moments. I want to remember the fleeting moments in between. Maybe not the shitty first dates or that week when I was all alone in unbearable pain and not a single person stopped by to check on me.

Actually, I do want to remember that because on days I feel weak, I want to remember how I made it through hell and survived. One week with wisdom tooth pain may not seem like hell to a lot of people but when you combine the depression and the disappointment of realizing that certain people you counted on don’t really give a shit about you, it became something I had to survive. And survive, I did.

According to Facebook, my first big moment of 2013 was getting an apartment. Well, yeah. That was a pretty big deal and I did blog about it.

Read more How I Want to Remember My 2013

Don’t Forget The Present Is A Gift

Am I the only one in disbelief about the fact that December is almost over? 2009 sure has been a whirlwind year for me…I started the year with this blog post:

As I cuddle up in my bed at 2:47 AM on January 1, 2009…There’s only one thing on my mind because see…I spent the first two hours of this year doing one thing. Watching Love Actually. It makes me laugh. It makes me bawl my eyes out crying but I watch it every year…without fail…Always alone. It has the best lessons about temptations…impossible love…young love…unexpected love and life in general.

This movie gives me hope…

So I leave you with this thought for 2009…

“General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.”

Stay positive in 09 and don’t forget to think about the things you deserve once in a while.

And smile.

And then my life began…

I told you guys my name(s), I finally met LiLu (#best09 new person)*, I made resolutions on my 24th Birthday, I took my first road trip (#best09 trip) and between finally moving out, almost dying, awful first dates, the Pablo weekend, celebrating the one year anniversary of PQ Nation, finally falling in love with the right one, breaking my butt, totaling my car, my first trip to BEANTOWN!hacking my hair off

… and of course, amazing times with the hottest bag of crazy, like stripping at the reef, celebrating the 4th of July, #PB&Tuna (#best09 night out) and random good times in between…

2009 was EPIC (#best09 word or phrase).

And it’s not even over yet.

This past weekend was the first big snowfall of the year and I spent it with the Boy, being totally lazy and cozy.

Last night, I got the best present EVER from my lovely Ginger.

I will be celebrating the end of a whirlwind year and the beginning of one that promises to be even more amazing with some of the people that mean the most to me.

Oh and are you worried about wishing me a Merry Christmas? Don’t be…
December 23rd, 2008

I heard this question…oh, about 5 times today. I get it. People are trying to be considerate because I *am* Muslim and they don’t want to offend…but to me, there’s nothing offensive about someone wishing me a Merry Christmas. It’s the same as Happy Holidays…at least in the US, over the years, that’s what it’s become. I don’t understand why people get so offended over the use of Merry Christmas over Happy Holidays or Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas…

Isn’t the whole point just to wish the other person a joyful and peaceful time, whatever it is they celebrate?

At least, that’s what I think. If the intention behind it is pure, why do the words matter? I’m Muslim. Someone wishing me a Merry Christmas does not offend me nor do I feel like I’m being ‘forced’ to celebrate a Christian holiday. As long as you pass on your good wishes, I can choose to celebrate whatever, however I choose. It’s the blessing that counts…isn’t it?

It should be.

To clarify…in Turkey, we celebrate New Year’s. Before we moved to the US, we gave presents to each other for New Year’s Eve…and it usually coincides with a Muslim holiday. When we moved to the US 13 years ago, and my brother was so young, we decided to go ahead and do the tree and presents on Christmas…just so it would be easier for him to adjust to being in *this* society. Did it take anything away from our traditions and culture? Not at all. Did we become ‘Americanized’? Maybe in the social sense but that didn’t change our religion, faith or heritage. Your identity and faith is what you make of it. The words that others use in their greeting doesn’t define you.

You define you so remember that this holiday season. When someone wishes you a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays in the street, return their blessing with a smile. The world’s gone down the shitter and most people are probably having a bad day…a smile from a stranger might be just the medicine that they need.

Happy Holidays from the PQ Nation to all of you.

*Part of the #best09 Challenge from Gwen Bell