I’m sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest
I’m about to board a plane to Spain and this trip could not have come at a more pivotal point in my life.
I’m tired of being tired.
I say this to my friends – a lot.
Life has always been overwhelming but it feels like the past 6 months, the Universe keeps giving me the middle finger.
At least it feels like that.
The truth is, I want to get on this plane and as I cross the ocean, I want to start letting go.
I want to let go:
The constant disappointment I feel in people after giving them a second, third, eighth chance to let me down.
The “what ifs” that have been holding me back for years.
I want to let go so that I can finally start healing.
I’ve been looking forward to this trip for weeks but I also almost cancelled it the other day when all I wanted to do was scream. When all I could do was cry.
I’m going to let the Spanish air envelop me and I’m going to start to heal.
I’ll be surrounded by loved ones, friends I trust with my life, and opportunities to make new friends.
My support system here at home has been helping me keep my head (barely) above water and I am forever grateful to them.
I’m going to write. A lot.
I’m going to drink wine and eat cheese and watch sunsets (and probably sunrises).
I’ll be back with a lighter heart.
If I come back. (I kid. Kind of.)
I’ll probably be posting on SnapChat (BerrakDC) and Instagram (BerrakBiz) the most.