I completely disconnected. I turned my phone off, laid down on the beach towel and let the sun take me away as if I was floating above the waves hitting the shore…even though I am still afraid to go in the water. No really…I got as far as my ankles, looked at my dad and said “I’m…cold. Yeah. You have fun.” Almost drowning does that to a person.*
The forecast predicted rain but it was the perfect day to escape. A book, a towel, an iPod & me (Oh and my family). There was also an unexpected addition to my day. A gorgeous baby** about 15 feet from me…beautiful baby boy who was so serene and so innocent that I allowed myself to get lost in his breathing. The rest of the world didn’t matter.
It was my day to unplug.
So unplug I did***
I didn’t think about work, school or money. I didn’t think about heartbreak, betrayal and let-downs. I didn’t think about responsibilities, fuck-ups or hopelessness.
I thought about the ocean. The sun. Keeping hydrated. The book I was re-reading (The Time Traveler’s Wife). I thought about making sure my tan was even this time. I thought about the way the baby smiled.
I didn’t worry about my past or my future. I was only in the present. Right in that moment, on the sand, wondering how much of it was going to end up in places the sun don’t shine and whether or not I wanted ice cream.
I imagined myself on the beach on the Mediterranean though if I was there, I’d be floating in the calm water instead of just the sand. But it’s OK. The serenity was still there. I did what I thought I was incapable of doing.
I let go.
I figured out what has been weighing down on me…the way I let things get to me…Why I let things get to me the way they did and why I broke down.
One day of escape won’t solve my problems. Not by a long shot…but it helped. It reminded me that I can do it.
I just have to allow myself the opportunity more often.
Then I got home and talked to my roommates about pooping.****
“‘But don’t you think,’ I persist, ‘that it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?’” — The Time Traveler’s Wife
Plans I made after unplugging:
— I am going to JOIN a gym. Yes, there’s a free one in my work building but you know what free means to me? No motivation. I need motivation hence I am joining WSC. If you belong there, lemme know. Maybe we can, like, totally work out together. TOTALLY.
— I am going to look for a class to take in the fall…Either at GW or online at NoVa if I can’t find a class that fits my schedule and major at GW. Hello brain stimulation.
— I am going to DANCE. Whenever the mood hits. And possibly take classes.
— I am going to get that second job.
— I am going to get started on my projects that I have been talking and talking about. FOCUS.
— I’m going to make quality time for those that matter…unwind…and do those things I’ve been wanting to do with my girlfriends (Like visit the monuments at night)
— I am going to remember why I matter…and why the words of the ones that don’t truly care shouldn’t matter.
— I’m going to follow through and get help. Even if it’s baby steps. Even if I’m terrified.
— I will remember to breathe.
*The family doesn’t know about that little episode so I opted to look like a p**sy afraid of a little chilly water.
**Hello biological clock and baby fever.
***I may have checked my email once and may have replied to an email from Lexa.
****Seriously…one of the best parts about my day is talking to my roommates about pooping. True story.