The Pocketknife of Memories

I pulled my bed away from the wall last night to vacuum and pick up the objects that have fallen through the crack since the last time I cleaned. In addition to the (unused) tampon, hair clips and that lonely sock, I saw a blue pocketknife.

For a moment, I faltered. I was sure that it was the Boy’s but what if it wasn’t?  I was overwhelmed with the whirlwind of memories that came crashing down on me from last summer, before I met the Boy. In the last 6 months, things have been so amazing that the life I had before him in that room is a very distant memory.

The possibility that there could be something left behind from that summer was disturbing.  I sent him a text message and asked him if he has a blue pocketknife. He replied back saying yes and it had been missing for a while.

I let out the breath that I’d been holding.

It’s not that I am burying my past and denying it. It’s that I’ve already accepted it and started the healing process. I faced the truth and I no longer want my present or my future to be tainted by the past.

Although my room is no longer a place haunted by bad memories and the only reason I can’t sleep at night sometimes is because I miss *him* laying next to me, I’m glad that in 2 months, the Boy and I will be starting a new chapter of our lives down the hall.

Also, I am AMAZED at the amount of STUFF I have managed to store in that closet of a room of mine.  Have you ever cleaned and/or packed to move and thought “Where in the world did all of this come from?”

11 thoughts on “The Pocketknife of Memories

  1. Ah, I know that heart-in-your-throat feeling. I’m glad it all worked out.

    And yes, I’m constantly amazed at how such a small space can accumulate so much stuff. And yet I’m still hesitant to throw things out. Crazy.
    .-= Liebchen´s last blog ..Still on a bit of a Marathon high =-.


    1. Me too. I think once I start selling the clothes I’ve never even worn and have a bigger space where I can organize, I’ll throw more out.


  2. When I packed up my house to move in with the boyfriend, I was amazed by the stuff I had. There was so much!! I also came across TONS of stuff from the ex and from our relationship … and I pitched it all. I’m not one to throw things away that are associated with memories, but for some reason, I felt I had to. Isn’t it crazy though how much we can attach to objects?
    .-= MinD´s last blog ..Snip snip here. Snip snip there. =-.


    1. I’m really glad that I have absolutely nothing physical left from guys in my past. The only things I held onto were emails which I deleted a long time ago.


  3. you so deserve everything positive in your life [especially that coming from him] . it’s so wonderful how your life has changed since summer.

    the feeling of the past sneak attacking you is a swift kick to the gut that i know all too well. i went through my room at my parents’ and found all my old stuff from college. some good and some bad, but whoa. and i can never throw any of it out.
    .-= firecracker´s last blog ..procrastination, thy name is firecracker. =-.


    1. He’s pretty damn amazing and yeah…this has been a huge year for me!

      I don’t have much at my parents’ except for my books & dolls…and they can stay there. Well, I’ll be taking my books as soon as I move into an apartment with a library!


  4. I don’t comment, generally, but I do read your blogs and I really admire your honesty. More than that – your integrity. Good for you.


  5. Glad it was his. I know that oh-my-God feeling, & while it’s terrible, sometimes I think it’s still good to get that little nudge of a scary reminder every nice & then to make you really appreciate the changes in your life.


    1. Yeah, it is. I try to keep perspective without falling into the trap of letting the past overshadow the now.


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