The No Baby Clause

You’ve been dating this guy for a while. The chemistry’s great. Tonight is THE night. You’ve both had a drink or two, chilled and now your lips are locked and clothes are flying off. God, his body feels so good against yours.

His hands are all over your body and all of a sudden…you feel this push.

He’s pushing you off?


“Wait…before *pant* we keep going, I *pant* need you to sign this”

He’s handing you a piece of paper. What the hell?

“I just don’t want any kids and I need to know you’re on the same page so can you sign this before I stick it in you?”


Next thing he knows, he’s out your door in his boxers with his clothes thrown at his face before the door slams.

I was listening to the radio one morning and one of the people on the show was saying that he wants to sign a contract with the girls he dates so that he doesn’t get “trapped” into having a kid. First of all…before I go any further…IF I wanted to trap a guy in a relationship, it would not be a 21 year old emo kid who hasn’t even finished school, ESPECIALLY if he’s in the radio business. I want the father of my child to have good genes, a stable life and a great personality…on top of maturity. Any guy who wants to sign a contract with me because he thinks he’s amazing enough for women to trap him is obviously lacking in the maturity department.

Now…who in this day and age, in their right mind, want to go through 9 months labor to have a child with a man who doesn’t want to be with you in the first place? He obviously sees no future with you, which is why he wants to sign that “contract.” Why in the world would you want to put yourself through that?

Second of all…if you are SO worried about being trapped either practice abstinence or have your sperm stored at a sperm bank and have a vasectomy. There, problem fucking solved.

Look…I understand that there are psycho girls out there who will become obsessed with a guy and will do anything to keep him around. Or they are so hung up on having a kid that they will take ANY man’s sperm. *shudder* But a contract? Honestly ladies, if you’re dating a guy for a couple of months, are you really NOT going to be offended if he asks you to sign this contract? I would be. I’d tell him to stick it back in his hand and move on.

Besides…it’s called HAVING A CONVERSATION. Ever hear of that? If you’re really worried about a girl getting pregnant, why don’t you get to know her FIRST. Does she even see kids in her future? Is she goal oriented? Is she on birth control? CONDOMS PEOPLE.

If you aren’t mature enough to have a normal conversation with a girl and have to resort to ridiculous tactics such as this…I say stick it back in your pants.

Of course, this goes the other way too. A girl called into the radio and said that her ex was so obsessed with having a kid with her that he tried to break the condom BEFORE they got it on.

So let’s talk ladies and gentlemen…I won’t even give any questions. Just digest this and give me your honest opinions, possible scenarios…do you agree or disagree with him?

Ladies…how would you react?

And of course…gems from TFLN:

(845): He started yelling “we’re making a baby” mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?

(208): you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.

(240): Girls don’t like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.

(910): i wish they had a ‘baby daddy’ section in halmark, like, “hey, i know you didn’t want this child and you’re doing a horrible job, but here’s to making you cry on fathers day”

(513): someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
(330): I’ll alert the authorities

36 thoughts on “The No Baby Clause

  1. If a guy doesn’t want a baby bad enough that he’s trying to get you to sign a contract (how would that even be enforceable? Like what if the condom breaks?), maybe he should stop trying to have sex with women and just beat off into a towel — last I heard, towels couldn’t get pregnant.
    .-= Malnurtured Snay´s last blog ..Where’s Non-Fiction? =-.


  2. while the idea is hilarious (would the contract have to be notorized?), if you dont want a baby then the easy choice is to wrap it up, plain and simple. In modern society if you dont want a baby then you take the necessary precautions, “accidental” shouldnt even be an option.
    .-= DisposablePal´s last blog ..The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day Trailer =-.


  3. Always good to know where your sex partner stands on the “baby/no baby” divide. After all, you have to be able to trust that, if the condom breaks (or if a pill is forgotten) that you’ll both be on the same page in case of pregnancy.

    Guys should understand though that under the law, it’s up to the woman whether there will be a baby or not–and whatever your opinion on the matter, you are on the hook for supporting the child if that’s what she desires. I’m not aware of any court cases where a “pre-sex” contract as suggested above was enforced.


  4. I think that depending on where you’re located, a contract signed in the heat of the moment would be null and void, because either party could claim coercion.

    I’m with you. Have an adult conversation about it or don’t have sex.



    1. And don’t pull a Ross with the condoms!

      “They’re not 100% effective? THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX?!”


  5. Where I agree it’s tacky, technically, I’d have no trouble signing that contract. Oh, and radio biz people? Some of them make MILLIONS. The morning rush DJs? MANY MILLIONS.


  6. What the…?

    Okay…I’d sign if he signed MY contract…about how he will owe me 1/2 of every paycheck for the rest of his life if he gives me herpes…cuz this bozo is definitely harboring diseases if he thinks a piece of paper protects against fatherhood. Do pinky swears protect against HPV nowadays?

    The irresponsibility and stupidity of the sexually active set frightens me sometimes. Get some condoms, jeez.


  7. If you stick your dick in a girl, whether you wear a condom or have other birth control, you need to be prepared for the consequences.

    No method is 100%.

    If she gets pregnant, then you BOTH deal with the consequences.

    Even if it’s a pity fuck with a guy that has a penis the size of a donut hole πŸ˜‰
    .-= Mike´s last blog ..A reminder of youth =-.


  8. I have two words for this: Tom. Leykis. Or however in hell you spell that guy’s name.

    Asshole on the radio who’s always coming up with crap like this. Men? Grow the hell up and be with women who aren’t crazy.

    I ended up (completely horribly accidentally) pregnant, which I found out about three days after my boyfriend broke up with me. It’s not something I would ever lie about, and yet I got called a liar because of timing (well, and because he is an amazing amount of douche). So not just a “fuck you” to these men who think signing a contract means anything where having a child is concerned, but also a “fuck you” to those women who do actually try to trap men by getting pregnant or saying they’re pregnant, since they make the rest of us look bad.

    Ahem. Now I’m done.
    .-= shine´s last blog ..TMI Thursday – In which I don’t have time to write something new, but I wrote this before I knew about TMI Thursday, so you should read it. =-.


    1. Stupid bitches give real women with real problems SUCH a bad name. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.


  9. A quick discussion and a condom. Problem solved. That or just go Catholic: Raw dog then prayer, I hear that works well.


  10. If he is THAT worried about a girl trapping him, then he may want to try abstinence instead.


  11. Pfffft.
    I’m calling bullshit on this dude. Guys love to stroke their own egos. Maybe he’s just trying to convince himself that girls will actually sleep with him, let alone wanna trap him.
    I take birth control pills. I am in a monogamous long term relationship. If I were to start seeing other people I would use condoms. Definitely. I’m not into contracting nasty shit from people and CERTAINLY don’t feel like having a baby. Not in my plans whatsoever. Seriously girls, take your BCP’s!!! And use condoms. That way if you happen to be fucking a psycho and don’t know it yet, you’re still protected by your own form of contraception. And none of that “I forget my pill” shit. Grow up ladies! Pregnancy doesn’t happen to men. Women take the brunt of it. If pregnancy isn’t in your plans right now, take your pills, take them on time, every time. NO exceptions. If you can’t handle that, get an IUD or some other form of birth control that doesn’t have to be taken every day and is just as effective.


  12. OMG, this reminds me of a guy I dated. Remind me to tell you about it sometime. He was seriously messed up in the head. Other than that he was a good guy, but it was a pretty big “that.”


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.