(Don’t forget to like my new writer fan page on FB please!)
“But did you really just (publicly) rebrand a 1400 year old tradition as…“sobermonth?””
“I did. I was having a moment.”
***
Planning dates is interesting when I’m not drinking.
“Congrats on the job. Can I buy you a drink to celebrate?”
“Thanks. You can buy me…coffee to celebrate.”
***
K: “I need your favorite Friends episode and…go.”
Me: “That’s like asking a mother to name her favorite child.”
***
“Why did they substitute him in?”
“Must be his royal penis.”
***
“I like how my chest is 3 different shades. I win at tanning.”
“Shut up, it’s ombre.”
***
‘Do you know how many ADHD kids it takes to screw in a lightbulb?’
‘How ma-‘
‘Wanna go ride bikes?’
***
“I’m a woman on a mission.”
“And that mission is?”
“To slap you.”
***
***
“You don’t take someone from DC to a museum. That’s like taking someone from Hawaii to the beach.”
****
Also, here’s a picture of Jensen Ackles with a Hello Kitty balloon hat.
You’re welcome.
This is what it is like to be in my head.