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[Relationships] Growing Pains

There are days I’m shocked that I’ve been in a steady relationship for a year.

The strange thing is that it’s not so much that we live together that shocks me, but just the fact that it’s been a year. In some ways, the year has flown by yet it’s been jam-packed with hurdles in our individual lives which translated to issues in our relationship.

Naturally, this happens in every relationship.  This just happens to be the first relationship I’ve been in and it’s been quite an adjustment.

I’m used to being independent, making decisions about my life based on what I hope to accomplish, such as moving to the west coast for a couple of years. Now, I have to consider whether or not the city I choose has a good automotive industry suitable for him.

When I make plans, I need to consider his work schedule.  When I record shows on TV, I have to make sure there is enough space for his shows. [No more America’s Next Top Model marathons]

These are, of course, minor adjustments.  But they tend to add up.

He’s used to working a lot and spending his spare time with his friends. His job demands long hours, and sometimes it’s hard for him to snap out of work-mode and remember that there is someone waiting for him at home. It’s not that he forgets I’m there, but he gets into the zone and 15 minutes turns into 45 minutes. Which doesn’t bode well for us if I’m waiting on him to go out since I hate being late. [Biggest pet peeve EVER]

We’re both passionate, and get frustrated easily. He has ADHD, I tend to switch from subject to subject. He hyper-focuses on something, and sometimes, doesn’t know to shut up. I tend to need my space every now and then.

And then there’s money.

Right after we moved in together, and started to budget and combine our finances, I lost my job. I’m a proud person, and don’t like being the weaker one in a relationship. I learned that needing the other person is not being weaker. It’s a partnership.

In addition to the growing pains that come with the first year of every relationship, life kept throwing us curveballs.

Within the first two months of our relationship, I totaled my car & was in the emergency room [Separate incidents]. He had a car accident. We were both frustrated at our jobs.  I was struggling with school. I had four roommates. We said “I love you”. I told my dad I was in a relationship. He pressured to meet my dad, thinking it would make things easier but just frustrated me more.

That is just the first two months.

We celebrated our first Thanksgiving, Christmas & NYE together. He lost his job. We fought, intensely. We had our first & second snowstorm together. We fell asleep on his parents’ couch with the fireplace keeping us warm.

We grew together, as a couple.

Lately, after all the storms have calmed down, our growing pains are coming to the surface again. We are no longer dealing with external factors that kept us distracted.

It’s just the two of us, dealing with each other.

It certainly requires a lot of patience, understanding and deep breathing.

I call them growing pains. When I talk to my closest friends about the latest argument, they ask me what happened.

“Growing pains,” I reply. “It happens. We’ll get through it.”

Because at the end of the day, no matter how tough it gets, lying down next to him feels like home.

{ 68 comments… add one }
  • linda October 12, 2010, 1:50 pm

    You guys went through a lot in a year! I’m happy to see you are better for it. That’s why they call it growing pains huh?

    Cheers to you two!
    – Linda

    • PrincessQ October 12, 2010, 4:29 pm

      Yeah, we def went through a LOT, to say the least.


  • Gypsy Soul October 12, 2010, 2:23 pm

    Been there. I’d like to say it gets easier, but… well, you live and learn. <3 you!

    • PrincessQ October 12, 2010, 4:30 pm

      Oh, I have no misconceptions. If anything, it’ll get harder but we’ll be better about handling it.


  • Suburban Sweetheart October 12, 2010, 4:22 pm

    Love this post, particularly the last line. <3 You deserve this.

    • PrincessQ October 12, 2010, 4:30 pm

      Aww, thanks love!

  • Katelynn October 13, 2010, 7:55 am

    Yeah I’m going through my first year with my boyfriend as well. It’s been 10 months now and we’ve gone though a bit ourselves.. I’m dealing with being jobless myself for the first time in forever as well. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Thanks for sending me your blog link hon <3

    • PrincessQ October 13, 2010, 5:04 pm

      Yeah, it’s definitely tough but worth it. <3

  • Miss Scorpio October 13, 2010, 8:36 am

    Told you’d make it. Love finds a way.

    • PrincessQ October 13, 2010, 5:04 pm

      You did 🙂 <3

  • WashingTina October 13, 2010, 9:58 am

    It does get easier . . . the hurdles and challenges are still there, but the way you grow together and learn to conquer things together gets easier. What a beautiful and honest post!

    • PrincessQ October 13, 2010, 5:04 pm

      Thank you! Yeah, I know that there will always be hurdles…I’d be worried if it was too easy 🙂

  • Heather October 13, 2010, 12:24 pm

    Awww….congrats on the year!!! That is awesome 🙂

    • PrincessQ October 13, 2010, 5:05 pm

      Thank you!

  • Olga October 13, 2010, 12:48 pm

    Life always throws curve balls, but you are exactly right — you and Andrew will get better and better at handling those together. BTW, remember that strange but hilarious 80s/90s show called “growing pains” with an the attractive Dr. Seaver? If TV has taught me anything, growing pains can be silly, and crazy and ultimately fun experiences that bring you infinitely closer. Congrats on your year together guys!!! 😀

    • PrincessQ October 13, 2010, 5:05 pm

      Uh yeah, the entire time I was writing this post, I kept wondering where I could find episodes online…haha. I used to watch it all the time!

      Also, thanks love 🙂 xo

  • Erin B. Inspired October 15, 2010, 11:34 am

    Aw, this was so cute! I love it.

    J and I live together and it was a major adjustment at first. So major that we broke up and he moved out. After a few months of finding ourselves, he moved back in. And while we still bicker at times, he’s the best “roommate” ever! 🙂

  • SillyJaime October 16, 2010, 11:43 am

    Honey, there are days I’m shocked I’ve been MARRIED for a year. And that I’m living in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of miles away from my family and everything I’ve ever known… and that I haven’t walked out ONCE.


  • anon October 19, 2010, 7:37 pm

    I know a lot of people will just dismiss this as a trollish comment, but in all seriousness I am asking you to post a rhetorical question to yourself: are you sexually satisfied with him? Is he the best you have ever had in bed?

    Answer these truthfully to yourself and a lot of things down the road (including some of your own reactions related to this relationship) will become very clear to you. Good luck.

  • Shelly December 8, 2010, 2:25 pm

    SO glad I came across this today! I’ve been in a relationship going on 9 months now and we’ve definitely been through our own trials & are going through one now. I was just thinking to myself, ‘this is a hard time, does this mean the relationship is over??’ Sometimes I think that a relationship has to be good 24-7 with no upsets, no down time, no sadness….just peachy all the time. Have to realize that these times are what makes my relationships grow and be stronger. Thanks for the post!

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