We’d like to welcome you all to the carnival…er…The First PQ Nation Comedy Roast, in honor of the PQ’s first blogaversary…365 whole days of insanity…right here. You will hear from Pecosa, Squish and Miss Wicked…and then, as a special treat…You will see the world premier appearance of the DC Princess on video in this very blog! Hold on tight…Because the ride is about to begin!
Please welcome Pecosa to the stage:
So we’re celebrating PQ’s Nation being around for a full 365 days…congrats ma! I didn’t think your A.D.D. would let you make it through the shiny, glittery designs…butterfly!!!
PQ and I go back to the times when Myspace was cool, Tom was hot and the bitch was FIRST!!! on every g-damned blog. Seriously, you could not open a blog without her ass boobs already there proclaiming the ever coveted “FIRST, BITCHES!!!” comment. It’s not that much different now except that instead of just blogging with the cool crowd, she’s drinking with them…and then tweeting about it.
Yes, she’s also on twitter, and facebook, and linkedin, and tumblr and every other damn networking site you can think of. Oh yes, this girl gets around, and around, and around! And I’m not just talking about the interwebz, right toots? *winkwink*
Speaking of whoring around…ahem…Wicked? Oh yes ma, I’m talking to you with your fuck-me-pumps and innocent looking stares. I’m 99% sure it was this girl’s doing that the site got blocked at work. First as adult language, which might have been PQ’s doing with her thumper escapades and van stories, but then it was straight out telling me “no, you can’t access this site at work you freak, it’s PORN”. Yes doll, your detailed stories about you and D are categorized as porn and I’m 100% sure you’re proud!
I think once Jamie started blogging about her love for cereal it short circuited the filters because voila! The site was accessible once again. This girl leveled out the oversexed duo that is PQ & Wicked with her stories about living with her grandma, gaming, TV and her love for Fluff.
We are one crazy, hormonal, emotional and bitchy group of women and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I mean, where else can you go to get free porn, emotional roller coasters and TV listings all in one place? That’s right, the local XXX store, oh wait… Hey, but at least here you don’t have to worry about getting sticky! Unless you happen to eat some Fluff…
Thank you Pecosa…Up next…We have the one, the only…Squish!
Holy Motherfuckin’ One Year Anniversary, Batman…
How have we not been taken apart by the government yet? I’m sure we’ve got to be on more than one list… Just from the shit we google for pics to put in these bits of nonsense… Speaking of nonsense…
How do we still have readers? Aren’t you people bored yet?
Let me sum it up for you:
Tricky’s got issues. If ever there was a lady you should think twice before saying anything to at the grocery store, this would be her. Betcha dollars to donuts she sits in the dark, tearing paper into itty bitty pieces while she thinks out her blogs. I.S.S.U.E.S.
Jamie COLORS. Really. With crayolas. Who does that after they hit seven years old? Sometimes she posts pictures too… but not of things she’s colored. Which, really, makes no sense. Harry Potter/Twilight Flash Art doesn’t count as coloring. PICK A DIRECTION…A THEME…SOMETHING. GAWD.
Wicked…Ms. WickedCourtni would probably be at the tippy top of whatever list we’re on… except that she’s OMGMARRIEDYOUGUYS. AND she procreated already. TWICE. only… wait… someone cover her ears…are we good? are they covered?
COURTNI I SAID EARMUFFS, BITCH. EARMUFFS.
SHE’S MARRIED TO A BLACK MAN! I know. I know. Whatever has become of our world…our great nation? I weep as well, dear reader…I weep as well.
Rosie is as Rosie does…which is what, again, exactly? It’s probably best to quote here… *Ahem* “fucking awesome”…”a sweetheart”…”pretty fucking hot”…”a dance machine”…and SOMETIMES…”Dramatic.” I think that about covers that.
Our newest member…Just A Girl. You know…I don’t know her well enough to talk about her like this. So I’ll address her directly….
Honey – quit lyin to yourself. Ain’t no “girl” ever in the history of girls who talks about poop NEARLY as much as this “Just a Girl” character you’ve dreamed up. (And I would know, being that I am a fictional Asian Queen from Portland, myself.) Be honest, dear. You’re among…friends…yeah, friends… here. You’re a man aren’t you? That’s why you really can’t hold onto those boy crushes Courtni mentioned… IT’S CAUSE YOU ARE ONE. I knew it. “Just a Girl” my ass.
Oohhhhhhh and then….
Then there is our fearless leader. Who calls herself “princess.” Seriously? I didn’t know grown-ass women actually embraced that title. But then again…she also likes Twilight. /shrug. But really, between the boy drama and the family drama and the internet-stalker-don’t-you-ever-use-my-real-name-drama and the …well, you get the picture… One would think she would realize she’d graduated to full blown Drama Queen by now…
But really…who the hell am I to talk? Oh, right… the one who realized I had to grow up…
or did I? Maybe *I* am Just A Girl? Or maybe I really did leave for good and – for whatever reason – they felt nostalgic as this one year anniversary approached and wanted me with them.
Cause, really, as bitchy and snarky and egotistical and crazy and AWESOME as we all are… we are family here. And I couldn’t have chosen a better one to be a part of…in whatever incarnation for whatever length of time. And seriously, readers, you couldn’t pick better blogs to read or people to know.
It’s been one hell of a year… and an honor, ladies. I’ll take twenty more. Plz&thx.
And last but certainly not least…The Wicked Bitch of the West…
The last thing I would have ever expected was for PQNation to last a whole year. That’s 363 days longer than Just a Girl has had held on to a boy crush. Isn’t that right sweetheart?
I love that Tricky AND Squish are the rantiest bitches on the planet. I mean, if you want to scream ”HELL NO WE WONT ____”, subscribe to their blog. They got shit to bitch about, and they aren’t afraid to do it. It is cool to love stuff too you know. I promise.
Seriously though, being the only married and proper lady in this group of hoebags, it is hard to believe some of the things I read on their respective blogs. I mean I am almost positive that Jamie’s obsession with all things Harry Potter had us blackballed on Google altogether. That and the restraining order… Lets give it a rest, K Jamie?
Speaking of obsessions? PQ seems to change her latest ‘guilty pleasures’ more often than she does her granny panties. From Heroes to House … Twilight to Tumblr to The Pussycat Dolls … give me a break. I can’t keep up with her list of things she is obsessed with anymore than I can keep up with HER list of boys. (yeah Just a Girl isn’t the only fickle beezo on this website) Although, I would love it if she kicked Matt … or is it Mike… to the fucking curb already. More important than kicking Martin to the curb is that PQ is the self proclaimed DC Princess. Actually, pretty much everything she says is her mantra is “self proclaimed.” Conceited much?
Thank goodness for the fact that she isn’t the most conceited person on our site. Rosie is the Princess of FullofHerself. I wonder if she kisses herself in the mirror every morning before she walks out the door. I wonder if she is still single because she prefers fucking herself over someone not as worthy.
Really though, I love my bitches. Restraining orders, guilty pleasures … and the plethora of boy toys. I couldn’t ask for a better, more dysfunctionally loving group to be a part of.
Cheers to another eleventy million years of successes.
*sigh* See what I have to put up with?
And…I have no idea who gave me a webcam. Seriously. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done but it’s all for you guys…Before you click play, keep these things in mind:
1) It is my first video EVER so I’m nervous (That’s what Paris Hilton said)
2) It was after midnight when I recorded this, after 2 failed attempts because I couldn’t figure out the stupid microphone.
3) I get rambly when I’m nervous.
4) I didn’t have a script. I should’ve had a stupid script.
5) I clearly forgot my own name. That’s why I said it twenty times in 7 minutes. To remind myself.
Oh and if you can’t see the video or you fell asleep in the first 3 minutes…I gave a shout out to f.B., who is also celebrating his One Year today…so go show him love!