I think I was raised too well. I’m not saying I’m perfect or I have the best manners but man…when it comes to being selfish, I’m a failure. If there were Olympics for manners, I’d get the gold medal in “Consideration” and I wouldn’t even qualify for being ‘Selfish’ and I would probably be laughed out of ‘Etiquette’…I’m a burp-and-be-proud kind of girl. Only in the right company of course…
But when it comes to being considerate of others, picking up after myself, helping other people, thinking about others if I’m going grocery shopping, picking up a knick-knack or something that a person mentioned they need…I’m golden.
Unfortunately, I’ve realized that not everyone will be that considerate…hell, they may not even qualify for the Manners Olympics…because they don’t think outside of the box…the box that is their own wants & needs, regardless of the people around them.
The problem is with me, I can’t change…I’m programmed this way. As much as I want to be a bitch and selfish…and say “Fuck everyone”…I can’t. That’s not me.
I don’t want to be a doormat either…
So how do I balance this?
I also give too many second…third…fourth chances. I want to forgive someone even if they hurt me…If they just apologized or reached out, more than likely, I’ll be ready to forgive them and give them another chance, hoping that their actions were a fluke…that they’re better than that…I justify their actions…hope for the best and get hurt yet again. I can’t stay mad at a person…even if I spend hours venting and cursing to my best friends about how angry & hurt I may be…there’s always a chance that if they ask, I’ll give them another chance.
I’m tired of being hurt and used. I’m also tired of the fact that unfortunately…most people suck…and like Sarah said to me this morning…there really is only one person that I can rely on…and that is just me.
The problem with that? I’m also the person 90% of the people in my life rely on…so where can I lean on to ease some of the weight off my soul?