Newsflash: Not every person I meet in my life will like me.
Shocker, I know.
Bigger newsflash: Same goes for you.
When I was in high school, I had come to terms with that. I marched to my own beat and was friends with a variety of people, not sticking to one group. My friends’ friends usually hated my guts. Maybe because I didn’t kiss their ass.
For some odd reason, when I graduated from high school and started ‘real life’, something in me changed. Suddenly, I was craving validation and attention. I think it was just that my mom’s words were finally getting to me. Or somehow, turning 18 magically made me invalid. I could never figure out what exactly triggered that need. All I know is that I was consumed by it.
All of a sudden, my actions and words were dictated by this need for approval. With my friends going to different states for school, I had a fear of complete abandonment. (They proved me wrong but at the time, the fear was blinding)
I made stupid decisions. I lost who I was and where I was going. I stumbled. I fell.
I became covered by the scars of my insecurities.
Suddenly, the whole world could see me. And they hated what it was they saw…because I hated what I was showing them.
Only in the last year have I found my footing. I’ve slowly come to terms with who I am and even more important, the people I want around me are those accepting of who I am without trying to change me.
At 25, I expect a lot from people. I used to always think that because I don’t have my degree, because I have to deal with my family, because I didn’t have the college experience, I am lacking. So those who have it all together should be making better decisions. I should be looking to them for guidance as I find my footing.
What I found is completely different. I am looking at those people and in some of them, I am seeing who I was as a lost 21 year old, constantly making decisions based on the need of validation.
I like who I am and I like the people I have surrounded myself with who like me, faults and all. I love that my friends aren’t afraid to tell me when they see me making a mistake. I no longer feel attacked. I am no longer on the defensive.
Instead, I am on the productive path of life. That means there is a lesson to be learned in everything. The biggest lesson of all?
Not every person I meet in my life will like me and that is quite alright.
& Don’t you forget it.
indeed…well said!
Thanks!
Very well said. Sometimes it’s harder to accept ourselves than others & it sounds like you’re doing a great job of it.
I’m definitely trying. Thank you!
*love*
<3
this is one of those well timed posts for me 🙂 i tend to do what i do without regard for how it will affect people’s views of me. except when it comes to my significant other. i lost who i was last year because of a doomed relationship, and i’m still pulling pieces of her back. my current boy helps, but sometimes i still question and doubt myself and us… thanks for this and for reminding me that i need to know i’m awesome first and foremost
.-= michelle´s last blog ..look at me =-.
I’ve been there as well. Take it one day at a time 🙂
It’s our faults that makes us human and unique. Our faults makes us beauitful
.-= phampants´s last blog ..Growing Up =-.
Truth.
Know failure first then success. I kinda like this motto. And your story reminds me of it. I was like you, in high school, I was friends with different groups, each one hating the other. I was the only ‘common factor’ but I didn’t let that deter me from being myself. Right now, I barely have 10 good friends. Less than 5 friends who completely understand me and like me for who I am. I don’t need much.
Still I can’t say I found myself. Not yet. I haven’t discovered my true calling. But I’m hanging in there, enjoying whatever and however I can.
Saw your blog on Living Wicked. I’m glad I found you! Nice blog. ;p
.-= The Mercurial Wife´s last blog ..Underwear: His And Hers =-.
Quote to live by:
You will never make friends unless you like everyone genuinely. Oh well, I’m fucked then aren’t I?
-Thom Yorke
Now go do your best.
I am right there with you! *hugs!