Sitting upstairs on the corner of 7th & H in Chinatown, I watch the world pass me by.  Sea of people walking to their jobs, followed by a sea of tourists later in the morning. There are others in the Starbucks with me, some studying, some working.  I wonder how many of them are looking for jobs as well.

I made the Boy wake me up and drive me here on his way to work this morning.

“I know myself. I’ll say I’ll go but I’ll end up stuck in the apartment all day.”

Funny thing about unemployment. You  have good days, bad days and the moments in between where you just don’t know what to do with yourself.

All of a sudden you look up and realize it’s 7 p.m., your boyfriend is about to get home and you’re still sitting in the same spot on the couch.

Scary. It’s really scary.

That’s not to say I haven’t been active.

I have about 10 jobs I need to apply to. I should’ve applied three days ago. I feel like a coward because for the first time, I’m actually frightened to apply for a job.  I know my own weaknesses and strengths but I’m feeling intimated.

Last week shook me up more than I realized.

Sure, I started my company and finally started actively looking for freelance jobs as well but who do I think I am?

I went to #SMDay at the Science Club on Wednesday.  There were over 200 people who showed up. 99% of them college graduates who are successful in their field. The field I am trying to break into while struggling to get my life in order.

‘Intimidating’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.

So I’ll keep pushing. I’ll keep applying but I’m scared.

This is the risk I wanted to take but I’m afraid that not only will I struggle but I will fall flat on my face as reality knocks me down.

So many people have faith in me.

Let’s hope that I don’t let myself or any of you down. (Well, except for those rooting for me to fail. I’m OK with letting them down.)


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15 thoughts on “Intimidation

  1. This is where routine really helps. Sure you gotta apply to jobs everyday but go to the gym daily, run errands, making living your transition a job in itself!


    1. That’s certainly what I’m trying to do! There are some days it’s hard to stick to that routine though.


  2. I feel your pain. Since moving here last weekend, my main accomplishments have been learning some of the TV channels and programming, befriending the dog, and finding 3-5 jobs I’m too terrified to apply to but really need to because I really need a job. Oh, and I’ve created a nice little nest for myself with all the pillows I own to do my “job searching” (aka, channel surfing). *sigh* Keep it up, best of luck and here’s hoping your ambition will motivate me.


    1. First of all, welcome to the city!

      Second, as scary it is to apply, just do it. I know it’s easier said than done but once your resume is out there, after you break the seal with the first application, you’ll feel better and it’ll get easier.

      If you need help with anything, let me know 🙂


  3. you will never let us down…and so effin what if you do…this is about YOU! I have faith in you. GET EM!!!


  4. I know how you feel, but good for you for getting out and shaking it up a bit. And just remember that things won’t happen over night, and that’s okay. (And, if they do, that’s just a pleasant little surprise.) But you’ll absolutely land on your feet, not your face. 🙂


    1. Thanks! Keeping positive is a full-time job sometimes but I suppose it has to be done 🙂


  5. That’s a lot of pressure to heap on yourself after only a few days. I have always been impressed with your ambition and your go-get-it attitude and now am even moreso that you’ve done as much as you have in such a short time. Go easy on yourself, this is a tough thing to juggle. I bet all those people you saw at the SM event were in your shoes at one time. (I wanted to go but was sick, but if I were there, I might have looked like one of those people… but even though I love my job now, I know what it’s like to try and find yourself.)

    Anything is daunting when you’re just beginning. Knowing where to focus is tough. It’s overwhelming, and it would be to anyone, it’s not a personal fault.

    Yay, you got yourself out of the house! If you do this, and nothing but this for a little while (a few hours, days, a week, whatever you need to process it all ), that’s huge!

    Now picture yourself at the end of the day and make a list of what you wish you had accomplished. The list needs to be realistic – what is possible, not just what you *want*. This is important, because you don’t want to heap too much onto yourself (that alone will be a learning experience).

    Maybe on your list will consist of nothing but reading other people’s resumes so you have an example of how to customize yours. Maybe that will be it for one day, and the next day, you will make your only goal to start looking at your resume. You’ll slowly add to the list as you get more done. (You can spend the day in the bookstore looking at sample resume & cover letter books to start too, if you want to expand beyond internet research.)

    I love it that you’re blogging your way through the process though. It’s the same thing you did before you found your sweetie. Remember how unsure you were that things would be alright?

    I think the hardest thing is the not knowing, living in a transitory state, but much of life seems like this. If we can learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, that’s half the battle.


  6. Yeah, looking for a job is really tough. But, keep your chin up and keep on with your routine. You will find what you are looking for!


  7. Hm. I’ve been unemployed since December. I’ve spent a LOT of days in one spot and not realized it until the sun was setting.


  8. I have faith in you. I’ve learned that even if you do fail, its not a failure. As long as you pick yourself up again, dust yourself off and keep trying.

    You can do this! <3


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