I’ve always been a watcher. I like to observe. I get to know other people’s tendencies and then compare myself.
How can I improve? Why am I different? Is that necessarily a bad thing?
I’ve never thought that I was better than the people around me. I’ve always been the insecure one.
Somewhere in the last year, something changed.
I am observing characteristics in people that are familiar and then I realize that is how I used to be.
Unsure. Wanting to be liked by everyone.
Too cheery, too outgoing, too positive.
Doing everything they can to cover up the uncertainty.
I used to be like that until I learned to embrace.
Embrace who I am and if I need to improve, work on improving instead of wallowing in self-pity or running away from the problems.
And ask my boyfriend. In the last 3 months, I’ve wanted to run away quite often.
Instead, I am embracing.
I embrace my insecurities, own them and make them my own to take the power away from them and others who use them to get to me.
I embrace the fact that not everyone will like me and that is OK.
I embrace my flaws. My imperfections. And then I embrace the positives and figure out how I can make my life better.
The problem with being insecure is that nothing anyone says will get through to you.
You build a wall of self-pity painted with a coat of denial.
So I just watch as my friends go through what they need to before they can take the hammer of empowerment to that wall.
It’s odd. Once in a while, I stop and say “It’s weird not being the insecure one.”
Because no matter how bad it gets, I know that it will always get better, whether it’s in the way I want it to or through a different path.
It always gets better.