Beneath the Surface

Fact: I’m on a ton of social networks. I love to be connected.

Myth: My entire life is on said social networks and all you have to do is read my status updates.

Lately, I’ve been noticing a trend with people in my life.  They seem to think that the best way to communicate with me is to read my status updates and then make assumptions to construct my life the way they see fit. This is ridiculous.

The status updates I put up are snapshots of my life, of things that are randomly going through my mind and trust me: The 24 hours of my life every day could not be simplified enough to become a string of  140-character one-liners.

Is it true that I used to pour my heart out in my blog and work out every problem I had through writing? For the most part, yes. But even back then, there were things that you could only find out by talking to me.

When I first started blogging, it was my only communication with the world sometimes.  Between commuting to school, the two part-time jobs I had and family affairs, I barely had time to socialize and needed to connect.  I was also only 18 years old.

Naturally, I’ve grown up some. (A LOT in this past year alone.)

I’ve also become a lot more private, even among friends.  I know that when I need to vent, or have an issue, my friends will be there in a heartbeat.  I could vent to them about everything that frustrates or upsets me on any given day. I often choose not to.

I’ve learned that some things are best resolved internally and then discussed if needed. I now have the ability to resolve my issues on my own, instead of throwing out into the universe for my friends to discuss amongst themselves. As much as they have my best interest at heart, sometimes that is worst possible idea.  My friends cannot fit in a mold and their opinions vary to the point of being completely opposite at times.  I love that about them.

Even my closest friends that know everything about me don’t know everything about me on any given day.

As much as I love writing, and venting, I love living more.

Part of  living is feeling. Part of living is growing pains.

Part of living is learning to be alone with myself and basking in the peace of my mind.

This is not to say I’m not a social creature. Nor will I disappear from social networks. I will still be there but so will my phone. And my e-mail.

Best way to get to know me?

Talk to me.

Get beneath the surface.


Getting to know you:  Tell me one random fact about yourself.

29 thoughts on “Beneath the Surface

  1. Oh I love this! “As much as I love writing, and venting, I love living more.” I recently went through FB and got rid of about 60 people who I felt were only invested enough to think they know all that’s going on in my life through what I post on FB and on my blog. The best way to know what’s going on IS to talk directly to someone – if someone is only making the effort of reading your updates to stay in touch with you, are they really worth keeping around? Great post!


    1. Yeah, I did the same thing, and most of the time, those people did the work for me.

      It’s amazing how much you can grow out of people simply by being happy.



  2. Oh, and my random fact? I met Jeff Goldblum a couple of years ago in a jazz bar in LA, and he called me beautiful and gave me a hug 🙂


    1. Really?! Is he just how you’d expect him to be in real life?

      And you ARE beautiful 🙂


  3. This is so timely! I was just talking about this topic and how many people assume that sharing things online equates with complete transparency. There’s tons of uber-private stuff that even the most open bloggers never share. I wish more people realized the inherent multi-dimensionality it takes to be human.


    1. Agreed. It’s easy to assume that because someone seems to be around all the time, that’s all there is to their life.


  4. ‘get beneath the surface’ hehehehehehehe

    see, I figure if there is something that I need to know about a person, said person will let me know. One way or another.

    And, I’m kinda the opposite. I am learning to open up a good deal more and share.


  5. I’m kind of similar in what I share with my friends. When a situation hits a certain level, I know it’s something that I need to deal with on my own. And that’s not a bad thing.


  6. In a lot of ways, I am guilty of letting myself live my social life through social media, for a lot of reasons… but I get what you are saying. I would never presume that what I see in a blog or an update is the totality of what is going on in a persons life.

    I can sing the ABCs and You Are My Sunshine with my mouth closed. But I think I’ve blogged that before… lol.


  7. The ability to work through things on your own is, in my opinion, extremely important. My ex was the kind of person to always go to someone else (read: me) to complain, and in addition to being exasperated by that, I felt that he was lacking an important skill by not being able to sort through things on his own.

    I usually work through things on my blog because, although I know people are reading, writing it out helps me. It also gives me the opportunity to have several people give bits of advice (including most of my IRL friends) without going to one or two people and dumping the whole problem entirely on them.

    As for a random fact about me… I took about five years of hip hop dance classes and am pretty good, which is usually surprising considering my shy, reserved nature (and the fact that I’m the whitest person you’ll ever meet).


    1. If it’s a super personal issue, I tend to do an e-mail to a couple of my girlfriends and work it out that way. I found that, as much as getting massive input from a variety of people can be tempting, it usually doesn’t get me anywhere.

      If it’s an issue that I feel needs an outsider’s input, then it goes on my blog

      And then I write it out.

      Oooh, a hip hop dance class sounds like a blast!


  8. This actually was a big problem with me and J. His friends would see how we interacted on FB and then sort of fill in the blanks about our relationship. They didn’t see the humor in our exchanged and the next thing I know, everyone thinks I’m a bitch. I finally had to just block them because I found it so ridiculous to make assumptions based on a social networking site…

    I love being connected, but it definitely presents a new set of challenges that we didn’t have before.


    1. Yeah, the Boy and I don’t even use Facebook to interact. He’ll comment on some of my stuff sometimes but I chose to keep my relationship private for the most part. I think that was one of the biggest turning points, compared to how I was before.


  9. oooops…i posted prematurely — as you can see, I am not very well versed with using this stuff 🙂

    I was saying bravo to : As much as I love writing, and venting, I love living more.

    I think with how busy the world is these days, and how complicated our lives have gotten with the onset of social media, it’s easy to forget that cyber-hugs aren’t the same as real hugs. Nothing beats taking a walk with a friend on a rainy evening while drinking a glass of wine and opening up. Though I love all the connectedness the web is able to offer us, I prefer to focus on the “human” part of the “human network” 🙂


    1. Agreed 🙂 Quality time is definitely more important for me. Of course I love being connected to my friends across the country but no amount of e-mail can replace a single phone call with them.



  10. I’m a lot of social networking sites as well so I try to find a balance between saying too much and keeping some to myself. Doesn’t always work.


    Random fact about me: I’m incredibly superstitious with clothing. If I wear something and have a horrible time/memory in it, I won’t wear it again.


    1. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. As long as you’re in control and aware, that’s what matters.

      Hmm…I think I do that subconsciously.


  11. So true. I can’t tell you how many people I haven’t seen in forever say to me, I feel like I did just talk to you. I read your blog/tweets/Facebook updates etc. Annoying.


    1. Incredibly frustrating and annoying. On the other hand, those are the same people that expect you to keep up with their lives via social media and get upset when you don’t make a comment about a huge life changing event that was announced only on Facebook.


  12. I am still working up to deleting people. Since I think that once I start deleting I won’t have many people left at all. At this point I use FB as a way to stay connected to the people I Don’t need/want to talk to all the time. An old friend who I would Want to hear about big events BUT don’t really want to talk to much. I’m too attached to keeping that string of connection. I hate it at the same time though. I’m getting closer and closer.

    A random fact about me: I have long toes. Not Freakishly long, but long enough that I don’t really Fit open toed shoes, and it’s hard to buy flipflops. I can pick little things up with them too. It used to freak Husband out a little.


  13. I read this the other day and just loved it. I have been on twitter more lately because facebook has my step kids on it, hence their mom reads it, and I have to watch what I say. And I hate that. I have been searching for an outlet to fill very long boring days, and I am so thrilled that led me back to your blog.

    Beautiful as always.


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