Because I’m a lady, assface.

Honestly, I started writing this blog because putting up another Facebook status today would’ve been over the limit. Apparently, I have a lot of thoughts and words and ALL THE THINGS in my head lately.

Instead, I do things like pin wedding stuff, and funny pictures and then go back and look at them when I need a laugh. This leads the people around me to look at me all funny because I’m giggling uncontrollably.

Clearly, being a businesswoman has done wonders for me.

I have opinions. Lots of them. There is so much I want to write but then I start writing, and then all the thoughts go OUT OF MY HEAD, hiding under stress and anxiety.

When I tell a couple of friends about my big, huge project that is my baby and I can’t talk about it so I don’t jinx it, it’s a surprise to them that I’m all about advocacy. Because I haven’t been vocal about it for a couple of years.

Advocacy? Raising awareness? Starting a non-profit and working on campaigns? I want to do all these things.

In addition to having a business that’s all about community building, social media and writing. Yes, I can combine all of this but HOW to combine it is the question. Then I come up with a great idea for a project, and have trouble getting it off the ground because I can’t come up with a creative name for the community. So I resort to having a contest with a prize at the end to give people some kind of motivation to help.

I know that starting a new business is stressful. I know this. I knew this coming in but sometimes, I feel like I’m running in place. I’m kind of an overachiever. This will all be revealed in my e-book, once I actually finish it. Oh yes, add that to the list of projects I’m working on at this very moment.

I love my life.

I feel like I should reiterate that because I know it seems like I’m complaining. I’m not.

I’m scared. Scared to the point where I’m having mini-breakdowns and word-vomiting all over Andrew.

I’ve been afraid to really step out of my shell. In the world of f*cking gurus, ninjas and mavens, I feel like anything I say will get lost. I’m not any of those things. I’m just a passionate person with a lot of actually GOOD ideas who’s afraid of execution.

Maybe that’s a consequence of living in DC where it’s full of nonprofits, social media (I really love my community here) and digital professionals who are all doing the same thing.

Or maybe it’s just that between losing my job, taking on challenges and still working on my Bachelor’s, I’ve become more timid than I was 4 years ago, which is oddly ironic and hilarious.

It could also be that I have a ton more to lose now than I did back then.