I focused on the music blaring in my ears and shut out all other thoughts. I walked slowly to the lecture hall, wondering if I could even concentrate on this midterm. What class was it for again? I was frustrated, flabbergasted and just plain old foolish. What was going on? The weather was perfect for a walk but I wanted the comfort of a building. I needed protection but I didn’t know why I needed it. When I got to the lecture hall, the seats were already filling up. I stood by the door and looked at all these people that had been in my class all semester. I didn’t even know a single person’s name. That’s how I lived my life. Secluded. On my own. All of a sudden, all the thoughts of Marcus rushed back in my mind.
“Oh shoot me” I said out loud before I could stop myself. A guy entering the lecture hall looked at me and told me that it wouldn’t be that bad. He was talking about the midterm. I was talking about my heart.
I shook my head and took a seat. I didn’t even bother to look over my notes. I wouldn’t comprehend a single thing.
The exam was multiple choice. “Economics. That’s right. That’s what class I’m in right now.” I sighed and tried to focus my thoughts. I did alright on the first couple of questions. By the 10th question, my mind had wandered. His voice filled my thoughts. His lips lingered on my lips.
I fought with my own thoughts and focused on the paper in front of me. Supply & demand. He demanded my thoughts.
I filled the rest of the answers without even remembering a single word I read. I threw myself out of the lecture hall and breathed in the air. I needed to think but I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. He had sent me a text message during my exam.
I picked up my phone. I began walking faster as it started ringing.
“Tell me you’re in your room.”
“I’m in my room.”
“I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”
I needed to hear what she had to say. I needed someone to help me hold on to my sanity because I no longer had any control over my own thoughts. I made it to her building in 5 minutes and I ran in behind someone going into the building. I walked up to the second floor of the old building. Her door was unlocked.
“I’m at my desk.”
“Hey,” I said when I saw her roommate in the TV room. Fuck. I couldn’t talk to her while she was here. I never liked her roommates. I was pretty sure they didn’t like me, which didn’t cause any tears on my part.
“Well…how did it go?” Becky was at her computer, talking to Samuel over AIM.
“Tell him I said hi”
She turned to me with a serious face.
“Lily, what happened?” At that moment, I heard her roommate leaving the apartment. I collapsed on the floor and broke down in tears.