(This is something that I wrote back in the day when I took public transportation. With my new job giving metro reimbursement, I might go back to public transportation…Or not…)
In order to save on gas as well as the parking fee in my building, I have gone back to public transportation as of today. Seeing as how it’s been raining nonstop since Saturday night, this was probably a bad idea, considering I waited for the train for 45 minutes when it’s usually there in 5. I figured, “That’s OK. It’s better than sitting in traffic with stupid drivers.”
One thing that I have not missed about public transportation is the lack of personal space. I mean, there’s a certain decorum when you’re on the train. Unless it’s jam packed in there, BE AWARE OF YOUR BODY. You’re supposed to be in control of your body, not let it go like a flag waving in the wind. When the train is turning, it is not acceptable for your entire body weight to be on my foot. It’s not acceptable for your hair to be in my mouth nor your ass to be all up in my crotch. The only thing I want on my crotch is a man’s goodies, alright?
So to the lady that was all up in my business this morning on the train, I just have one thing to say to you. Please remember to step to the left where there’s empty space and stop flipping your friggin hair in my face. So you were hanging on but the rest of your body was all over the place. Was it your first time on the metro or are you just that unaware of your own body? You have a big ass. You have big hair. The train will throw your body all over the place if you don’t plant your feet firmly on the floor. Spread your legs slightly (Unless you forgot how to spread your legs since it’s been so long) and sway gently with the movement of the train instead of being thrown on to me. Your ass does not belong in my face and my feet are not your own personal platform.
As a side note, to the lady on the other side of the train with the backpack that was nearly double her size. Are you friggin kidding me? I was expecting you to get off at the airport because whatever you have packed in there can only be luggage. You didn’t LOOK homeless. Can you not afford locks in your house so you have to lug all of your belongings wherever you go?
Or is it just your personal oompa loompa in the bag?
5/13 addition: Why is it that out of all the empty seats in the metro and all the cute guys, the fattest, smelliest bitch has to come and sit next to me? I don’t want your leg touching mine. I don’t want to be able to count your breathing from your arm rubbing up against mine every time you do. Seriously. Go sit somewhere else. My ass is fat enough. I can’t try to squeeze up against the window to get away from your ass touching mine.