I keep telling myself that.
Because my fingers dial your number. Because I want to confront you and say “Why?”
Because you texted me on my birthday.
I want to know what went through your head as you did it. Why now, after 8 months, did you decide to text me. What you thought would happen.
Especially considering you texted me at 5 in the morning, as I was lying next to my boyfriend.
The man who chose to love me so deeply that even though it scared both of us, we didn’t run. For 4 years, you ran.
The man who waited patiently until I worked through the fears that you embedded in me so deeply because all I knew was you.
The man who is ready to start a life with me.
The man that is the One.
I never compared him to you. There is no comparison. He is my soulmate.
I want to confront you but every fiber of my being is screaming “No”
No good will come of it.
And just in case you’re wondering…No.
You didn’t get under my skin.
No, I don’t miss you.
I felt nothing when I saw your number.
I want to make you feel something.
Because you decided to text me on the happiest day of my life so far.
I just know that whatever feeling you experience the moment you see my number pop up on your phone won’t be worth it.
I won’t ask you “Why.” Because I chased after that “Why” for four years. I stopped chasing 8 months ago. You won’t get me to start running again.