Five years ago, on a breezy September morning, an 18 year old girl drove into the nation’s capital during rush hour traffic. With her windows down and music blaring, she was full of adrenaline. All her hard work had paid off and now she was starting her new life as a college student. Full of hopes and dreams, plans that have been in the making for years, she wondered if she could make it. The next four years of her life was set. Finish her undergraduate years and then move on to law school. Naturally, she’d be working as well…The only thing she had to fear now was losing her scholarship…and surely that wouldn’t happen if she just kept working as hard.
Her first semester went on without a hitch. Dean’s list, 17 credits, 2 jobs. She’d found her rhythm…She thought that she wouldn’t need a remedy because nothing was poisoned…
Now five years later, when I drive into the same city, I’m not that naive girl who thought that as long as she worked hard, things would be OK. I didn’t count for the fact that I would run out of steam or that I would fall in love…nor did I count on the fact that I wouldn’t graduate on time because for once in my life, I’d have to take a break for me. I didn’t count for the circumstances or the struggles that I had to live through and I certainly didn’t count on the fact that I would be strong enough to take on the obstacles and steer my life in the right direction.
Five years ago, I thought that I would be in law school right now, halfway across the country.
Instead, I’m still driving into the city early in the morning, only to go to my full time job. I don’t have my scholarship or diploma but I still have my determination. As long as I’m determined, I will get that degree. Looking back at the past 5 years, or even just 3 years, I can see the tangible change in me, my soul and my dreams. I am still the same overachiever who wants to accomplish 124 things before I die but my perspective on life has changed.
I’ve learned that I’m allowed to make mistakes.
I’m allowed to be selfish once in a while.
I’m allowed to change my mind.
I’m allowed to give myself time to heal.
I’m allowed to be loved and cherished.
I’m allowed to let go…
Life is ever changing. It’s good to have plans but it’s also important to be flexible and sure of your own capabilities enough to mold your life with the changes that come your way.
I refuse to live with “What if”s which is why I usually take risks but I was thinking about the What Ifs of the past 5 years…What if I hadn’t had the obstacles thrown my way…
I wouldn’t have been in pain.
I wouldn’t have had my breakdowns.
I wouldn’t have had to let go of my dreams.
I wouldn’t still be here, trying to finish up my degree
But then again…
I wouldn’t have met my amazing friends who are now such a huge part of me.
I wouldn’t have discovered what it meant to write for an audience.
I wouldn’t have found my voice.
I wouldn’t have started this site.
I wouldn’t be who I am today.
So sure…I am not where I wanted to be in my life at 23…but you know what? I’ve come further in so many directions that one little detour has actually brought me to a point where I am incredibly happy, fulfilled with a long, incredibly journey ahead of me. Thank you for being a part of it…whether you’ve been with me for years or weeks.
This was triggered when I heard the song “The Remedy” the other day…the same song that was playing on the radio on that September morning five years ago…
Do you have a “trigger” song that reminds you of a significant time of your life? How have you dealt with the curve balls of life? What has been your “remedy”?
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