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Anxiety Is the Space Between the ‘Now’ & ‘Then’

I have no real blog today.

I came close to having an anxiety attack last night…Closest I’ve come to in a while. I think it has to do with the fact that I’m going to go and check out my new place tonight. Ya know, the one I’m moving to in 7 weeks?

That decision I’ve made to change my life and I have no idea how I’m going to pull it off?

Yeah, that house. With one of my best friends. What happens AFTER I move out/in isn’t what’s making me anxious.

It’s the actual getting OUT.

I’ve been keeping so positive lately that I’m trying to avoid the anxiety, making myself believe that I can do this. I’ve been spending time with friends, making PLANS with friends, making plans for my life, my year, my future…to go after my dreams.

This is the most I’ve let myself go in years. I’m afraid of crash and burn. I don’t do well with disappointment. I don’t do well with letting my dreams fall apart…again. I’ve done it over and over and over again…hoped and planned only to have everything ripped away.

Why do I think this time will be different?

In other news, last night’s House was really good. I love the interaction between Wilson & House…and I was happy to realize that I have friends like that too. The ones who can pull me out of anything…though I kind of hate Cameron’s guts. Just sayin.


PS: I now have the Google Friend Connect on the side so join before you leave. I should have the html site up in a couple of weeks. Papers & end of semester keep calling my name. *sigh*

{ 23 comments… add one }
  • Lemmonex April 14, 2009, 8:22 am

    Dude, you will be FINE. Sure, it is a bit anxiety provoking; I am not trying to diminish your feelings…but you are with a friend in a city you know. You have a support network. It will all work out. Promise.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 8:29 am

    Thanks babe. I’m more worried about family than myself. I’ll just be so glad when it’s done with…

    And then I can actually stay long enough to talk to you at happy hour 😉

  • Cassie April 14, 2009, 8:47 am

    What is this anxiety you speak of……and why is it attacking you?!?!?!? BAD ANXIETY!

    I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you might think and even if it IS…you’ll be getting OUT!!!!

  • justjp April 14, 2009, 9:04 am

    Once you pull the trigger you will feel so much better. Hang in there!

  • perpstu April 14, 2009, 10:08 am

    You will be fine, you are making a leap of faith and that is always scary. Have faith in yourself and you will fly!

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 10:36 am

    You’re right…I didn’t think of it that way.

    I just hope that my family can handle it.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 10:37 am

    Thanks! Then you can buy me a beer 😉

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 10:37 am

    I sure hope so…You guys have more faith in me that I ever can.

  • Tinyshrimp April 14, 2009, 10:43 am

    Your family will be fine. It may take a little while for them to adjust, but they will figure things out. You’ve stayed a lot longer than most people would have under the circumstances.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 10:49 am

    That’s what I hear.

    My dad just depends on me a lot. I think he’ll have to be OK..maybe once I’m gone, he’ll actually confront my mom more.

  • Tinyshrimp April 14, 2009, 11:02 am

    Yep and that is a good thing.

    **big hugs**

    PS: You won’t be very far from them. It’s not like you are moving out of state. 😀

  • Cassie April 14, 2009, 11:41 am

    they will, it will be hard for all of you at first, but they’ll adjust, as will you!!!

  • LiLu April 14, 2009, 12:14 pm

    Anxious? How can you be anything except excited? You’re FREE, FREE I TELL YOU!!!!

    Okay, maybe I was a bit more thrilled than most to leave home. My parents are kickass but there comes a time, dude.

    P.S. My doctor throws klonopin at me whenever I go in, if you want his digits.

  • LivingWicked April 14, 2009, 12:33 pm

    you are in the home stretch. My only fear for you is simply attempting to get your shit out of the house. You are going to have to start taking one trinket at a time with you and putting it in your trunk so that she doesnt freak out when you are hauling boxes and bedframes out of the front door.

    Once you are out though… there is no turning back. And it is going to be AWESOME!

    (get Lilu’s doctors name. Just saying)

  • Jaime @ Fast Times April 14, 2009, 12:40 pm

    I’m proud of you for moving out. It’s only natural to be anxious about something this big. But you know what? You can do it. You’re a strong girl. You’re going to be living with someone you aren’t related to, and that’s going to feel amazing.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 1:46 pm

    I know..but it’s still not THERE.

    *sigh*

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 1:47 pm

    I’m excited about actually LEAVING. What makes me anxious is their reaction and how my family’s going to handle it.

    PS: I will so get his digits from you after I leave.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 1:48 pm

    Well, I’m not taking the bed, for sure. Karina’s sister has an airbed I can use until I buy my bed. This is why I’m going tonight…to figure out what I can actually take…and I’m gonna start storing stuff @ Meg’s place.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 1:48 pm

    I really hope so.

    xo

  • LivingWicked April 14, 2009, 1:49 pm

    I can just see you taking a “gym bag” to work filled with all kinds of crap that you have to sneak out. LMFAO.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 1:52 pm

    LOL

    I’m leaving trinkets and things behind until I get a bigger place. I do have to sneak out my books though…

  • f.B April 14, 2009, 2:22 pm

    I think you’ll be ok, too.

    And on these big life decisions, doing what’s right for you isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. Try not to get caught up about whether it’s good enough for them, or makes sense to her, or is the right thing for him… Because good people always worry about the people around them. That’s not gonna go away, especially when you put you first. Just try and be confident that it’s the right thing for you. Everything else will fall into place.

  • PrincessQ April 14, 2009, 2:35 pm

    I know that it’s the right thing for me…It’s more of whether or not my family will be able to handle it…

    But you’re right.

    This is why it’s taking me so long…because I keep worrying about everyone else…even if it’s family.

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