When my gut told me that I should keep pushing for my dream because it made me happy and it just felt real, I almost ignored it. The outside voices were louder. The world was telling me to stop, go back to safety and maybe try again in a few years.
…If I had ignored my gut all of these years, I never would’ve come as far as I did. I wouldn’t have this phenomenal opportunity to go to a job that will challenge me every single day to do better. To work harder. To step it up and stop being complacent. Oh wait, I’ve never been complacent. Even when I was afraid of being a failure because I started too late, because there were younger people doing it bigger and better, because people in my life wanted me to slow down – I didn’t stop. Life kept getting in the way but something in me never gave up.
My dreams are big.
To some, they’re silly.
But you know what my gut tells me? They’re my dreams. My vision. My reason to get up in the morning.
So it’s a good thing I didn’t ignore my gut, because my gut was right.
Am I exactly where I want to be?
Actually, I kind of am. How fucking ridiculous is that?
Is it other people’s definition of success? Probably not, but you know what? Those other people, for the most part, don’t understand your passion and your success. Let them define their own, and you define yours. Success isn’t an end-all, be-all concept. You can have small successes every day for the rest of your life.
When my gut told me that I was right about certain people in my life, I ignored it. I listened to my heart. I gave them second and third chances. I made up excuses for them. My heart broke and shattered into a million pieces.
“If they respect you, respect them. If they disrespect you, still respect them. Do not allow the actions of others to decrease your good manners, because you represent yourself, not others.” – Mohammad Zeyara
When my gut told me that I needed to rethink my future because certain decisions no longer made sense, I almost ignored it. I thought about how my choices would break other people’s hearts and listening to my gut would’ve meant I would protect their feelings.
The cost of ignoring my gut would mean staying in a relationship, and eventually marriage, that would never truly work. It was scary. My gut was screaming at me and I did ignore it for a period of time. At the end of it all, I am glad I listened to it. Yes, my friends gave me support, but when it comes to relationships, unless you’re ready to walk away, you will keep going back.
When my gut tells me, every day of my life, to keep writing, sometimes I ignore it. I fear it. I fear inadequacy. I fear being exposed. I fear…but I keep writing.
Learn to listen to your gut (Look, there’s a science behind it). The world will constantly second-guess you and give you reasons on why you’re living your life wrong. It’s your own intuition, combined with your experience and judgment that can really guide you forward.
For once in my life, I am genuinely happy.
Is everything perfect? Nope.
Will I still have bad days? Absofuckinglutely.
Am I still healing? Every day.
But when I smile, it reaches my eyes, heart, and soul. Because listening to my gut feeling closely for the last couple of years finally led me to a place where I am happy with myself. Hell, I even like myself a little. I am still learning to forgive myself for mistakes, but that’s a process.
I ignored my gut for the longest time and let the world dictate the relationship I had with myself.
My gut and I are going to keep going after those ridiculous dreams.
You’re welcome to come along for the ride, but please, no backseat driving.