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Illusion of Comfort

When things get overwhelming, I retreat back into my comfort zone.

When you’re living life pushing the boundaries everyday, sometimes, you want to be back in a place where everything makes sense.

You come back ready to face the world: Refreshed. Clear headed. Focused.

I’ve been needing my comfort zone lately. Life has been overwhelming. Lots of changes – lots of stress.

One problem though.

I no longer have a comfort zone. It’s gone. So I’m just stuck in this whirlwind, unable to step back. Unable to re-focus.

Lost.


“But wait. How does a comfort zone disappear?” you ask.

Good question.

Until recently, I couldn’t figure out what happened. I thought I was just too far gone to the point that even my comfort zone couldn’t help me.

Then I realized it. Everything that qualified as my ‘comfort zone’ in my life was gone.

Ever since I took the positive approach to my life, and got rid of the negativity, I’ve been without a safety net.

Because my comfort zone was self-destructive.

Whenever life got to be too much, I would go back to the familiar (comfort zone) which was full of self-destructive behavior (i.e. day drinking) and dysfunctional relationships that helped me escape, instead of recover.

Frustrated about work? Go have a cocktail. During the day.

Don’t want to think about anything? Go have meaningless sex (which I would later cry about over a cocktail)

Overwhelmed with school work? Drop the class. Deal with the consequences later.

Pissed about money? Go shopping.

Don’t want to deal with this downward spiral? Surround myself with those who validated it & enabled my behavior.

Repeat.

That was my illusion of comfort that swallowed up my life, and who I needed to become.

Yes, we all need to escape life once in a while but not in a way that brings even more destruction to fix.

So now that I’m aware of this loss, I need to find a new comfort zone.

I need to create it.

This is difficult because I have no chance to refresh, and deal with everything life is throwing at me without a retreat – which means I have no time to actually seek comfort & figure out what helps me clear my head.

So I take baby steps.

Whether it’s just stepping away from the internet for an hour or 5;

Or reading a book, even if it’s just for 10 minutes;

Or taking the bus home versus the metro…

I’m making my life make sense again. For me.

Because, let’s face it, as much as I love my fiance, I need a comfort zone that keeps him out at times. (I’d be lying if some of the stress lately hasn’t been because of our issues. Relationships are hard, yo)

So, that’s where I am right now.

It’s where I’ve been for the past couple of months.

I’m slowly finding my way back so I can continue to push the boundaries & live my life to the fullest – out of the comfort zone I am slowly re-creating.

 

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Heather May 26, 2011, 5:42 pm

    My boyfriend and I are having this issue, me needing time on my own and him holding on so tight. It blew up in a huge fight about two days ago. There were tears and words said we had been meaning to say but never voiced them. I am happy you are on your way back. Baby steps, lady.

  • magnolia May 26, 2011, 11:22 pm

    relationships are hard, and when you’ve clung to something for “comfort” that really wasn’t all that comfortable, they’re even harder. but if it helps, i am living proof that you can find a brand new comfort zone. my “comfort” was my ex-husband. it took awhile, but now i have comfort in things that are for ME, not for HIM or US. it’s amazing. you can do it. i have faith.

  • Anonymous May 26, 2011, 11:51 pm

    I really appreciate you writing about this. My “comforts” were very similar to yours (being careless about money, unfulfilling relationships, vices) and being without them made me feel like something was missing in my life. But being positive and going outside of those comforts have filled that void. 

  • Anonymous May 27, 2011, 1:52 pm

    I definitely had similar “comfort zones” in the past as well. That feeling like “something was missing” sucked but, it was familiar and it was easy to fall back on because moving forward can sometimes be a bit scary. My comfort zone now is much more mellow: Pajamas & TV. I try not to dwell in my comfort zone (like I did in the past) but, sometimes you just need to unplug for a few hours and watch some back to back 30Rock or Veronica Mars episodes.

  • Michelle May 27, 2011, 2:33 pm

    dude! so true. complacency, ignorance and extreme isolation were part of my comfort zone. all my positive changes revolve around my weight stuff. rebuilding/refinding myself there helped me refocus on positive self soothing. you’re definitely on the right path, even if it’s a slow path *hugs* 

  • Anonymous May 28, 2011, 7:35 pm

    I’ve had similar comforts – bravo to you for moving beyond them. 

  • Storm. Katrina Storm. May 30, 2011, 3:21 am

    I think its ok to have a “comfort zone”, but there has to be a line.  I like to spend time alone, and I think spending some time alone is good for you, but I have to be careful, because if I spend *too* much time alone, I get depressed.

    Like anything else, it’s a fine line to walk.  I wish you luck in figuring things out.

  • Diana Antholis May 30, 2011, 3:48 am

    Very true…sometimes the comfort zone isn’t good for you…sometimes you need to face it head on in order to be comfortable.
    And relationships ARE hard.  Sigh…
    I love the crying quote above.

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