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Limbo

My subconscious is doing most of the work lately.

The past few weeks, I’ve felt stuck.  So many things are out of my control, and as much as I want to just purge – I’m stuck. The second I try to start processing things by writing them out, my brain explodes.

I get overwhelmed with feeling and words just disappear.

So, I go through my days, trying to put in as much effort as I can on making things work.

The truth is, nothing is working because I can’t work anything out. I have no clarity these days.

Just a limbo where I can’t move either way because I’m stuck waiting.

I want to write things out. I want to start writing something else. I want to go through my manuscript and finally put it together.

I want to talk about everything – anything except what’s going on everyday.

Still, I can’t.

So I physically and mentally exhaust myself, my head finds a pillow -at night or in the middle of the day – and then my subconscious takes the stage.

The worst part is, I haven’t even been able to really talk to my friends about it. My fingers refuse to type. My lips refuse to speak the words that are trying to escape.

It’s as if I can’t find clarity until one thing is resolved.

And then, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop the flood of words that’ll overtake my life.

Until then, I wait.

Exhausted.

In limbo.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Diana Antholis February 20, 2011, 10:20 pm

    Oh I totally feel the same way! No one knows exactly what is going on – I have so many decisions – so many OPTIONS! I feel like I’m stuck in this weird time, waiting to get to the next step. I can only keep working one day at a time to move forward.

    • Berrak February 20, 2011, 10:39 pm

      Good luck to you. It is EXHAUSTING.

      <3

  • Anita February 20, 2011, 10:33 pm

    Sweets, I have a note stuck to my laptop that saves me time and time again: *Never create monsters where there are none*.

    Stop thinking so hard about what bothers you and the solution will present itself – or the feeling will disappear without any action taken. Take a deep breath, clear your mind, stop worrying, or fussing, or sending yourself into a tail spin because more often than not we over exaggerate – we think too much, we worry too much, and see ghosts (or greener grass) where there are none. We think we want something that we really do not, are tempted to make some drastic change, or we feel stuck and think life will be easier if we (fill in the blank).

    Sit still. Empty your head. Find the calm within yourself. And the universe will unfold as it should.

    Love and miss you!

    • Berrak February 20, 2011, 10:47 pm

      I’m honestly trying to clear my mind. Really really am.

      I miss you so much. Love you!

  • spleeness February 20, 2011, 11:45 pm

    What a magnificent quote from Stephen King.

    Whatever it is that’s haunting you right now, I wanted to offer quiet support. In time, things will come to the surface when they’re ready and your friends will be here for you however you’re ready to share. xoxoxo

  • magnolia February 21, 2011, 4:17 am

    love that stephen king quote. i feel like it’s cosmic “permission” to freak out when i’m feeling overwhelmed. i just call it the monsters winning.

    that being said, i am SO with you on the limbo thing. this is the first time in my life when i have been unable to chart where i’m headed in six months, and it’s scary as hell. and the worst part is, there’s really nothing i can do to change things, either. i just have to have faith and let it ride.

    and there is NOTHING scarier than that.

  • Anonymous February 21, 2011, 4:59 am

    I’m in something of the same situation – a lot to write, and I can’t write about most of it. I hope when everything works its way out there aren’t any monsters involved.

  • SillyJaime February 21, 2011, 6:47 am

    Eventually you’ll be able to move forward and move on, and things will be good again.

  • Storm. Katrina Storm. February 21, 2011, 11:47 am

    *big hugs* I hope you get it sorted out. Feelings are never easy… but I agree with Diana… One step at a time.

  • Liebchen February 22, 2011, 4:40 pm

    Good luck, love. Even if clarity doesn’t come as quickly as you’d like, I’m sure you’ll get there eventually!

  • Toddy February 24, 2011, 6:49 pm

    Sorry you are stuck. And am I the only one who thinks its funny that a commenter self-named “spleeness” is giving you “quiet support”? Because a spleen gives quiet, often unnoticed support to your body every day as part of your immune system. tee hee. its the little things. Cheer up! -T.

  • michelle February 27, 2011, 11:55 am

    *hugs*

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