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Purging of the Brain

Dear Haters,

You are welcome. In your efforts to out-do me, you have improved your pathetic life by a wee-bit. (Emphasis on ‘pathetic’ and ‘wee-bit’).I hope that your efforts to compensate for losing me will pay off.

Love,

Better Off Without You
Dear Real World DC,

Why are you so addicting? How is it that after not watching MTV for YEARS, you have sucked me back in? Oh…that’s right…because it’s like a train wreck. I can’t look away from the lameness.

Love,

Still Proud to Be a DC Princess

Dear Shower,

You make my body feel good, you cleaaaaaaaaaan me and you are the best place for brilliant ideas. EVER. Don’t ever run out of hot water.

Love,

The Nekkid One Under You

Dear Snow Storm,

Please change your mind and leave DC ALONE.

Sunshine Girl

Dear LOST,

I have absolutely no interest in you. Just thought I’d let you know.

Crack Is Whack

Dear Facebook Friends,

I don’t want to hurt your feelings but your Doppledangers are ridiculous. Please return back to reality.

Love,

One and Only Hairy Princess

Dear Nose,

Please stop running. There’s no escape and you will pay dearly for making my life miserable.

Hooked on Kleenex

Dear Farmville,

You are the best addiction I’ve ever had. I don’t care how much people judge me, I’m never gonna give you up.

Love,

Ready to Harvest

Dear Numbah 1,

You+Me=Awesomeness.

Love,

Numbah 2

PS: IS IT JUNE YET?

Dear Boyfriend,

YOU ARE THE GHEY and I love it. Thanks for taking care of me when I’m whiny…even though you manage to torture me at the same time with your weapon of mass disruption. Let’s go visit a doctor that’ll make your farts smell like roses, OK?

Please?

Seriously, you’re burning off my nose hairs.

Love,

The Best Girlfriend Ever

PS: There are BIG changes coming to the land of the Princess.

PPS: Have you been over at my relationship column? DON’T LET THE LOVE FERN DIE! (No, seriously, go over there and bookmark, yes?)

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