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Singular in Couple-Land

You don’t get to choose, you just fall in love. And you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know that you love them so much except sometimes they just drive you completely insane and no one can explain it and the reason it’s so confusing is because it’s love. But if love didn’t have any challenges, what would be the point?

Almost all of my friends are in a relationship or at least have been in one serious relationship in their lives. I have friends who are married, engaged or in a long-term relationship. I have friends who turn to me for advice on break-ups, on dating, with their kids and in relationships in general.

Me? I haven’t had a single, normal relationship since high school and even that was complicated because I was dating a guy from another school.

Yet…I’m the one everybody relies on for reason and understanding what is going on in their relationship.

Normalcy? It doesn’t exist in my universe. Technically speaking, I’ve always been ‘single’ because there hasn’t been anyone who has stayed around long enough to say ‘I want to be your boyfriend.’

I’ve had married men tell me…“If only I had met you before…” Yeah well, you didn’t so peace out.

Where is this coming from? A variety of things, specifically a blog I read by the wonderful girl over at your wishcake. And a conversation I had with a man who hasn’t seen me in 7-8 years but has known me since the day I was born.

“You’re 24. You should be living your life…you should be in a healthy relationship.”

Note that he didn’t say married, like my mom keeps insisting I should be…but in a healthy relationship…But it makes me wonder. Can I even DO healthy? Can I do normal?

I can give advice on normal. I can see the signs in pain and mistrust and deceit…and yes, I am a hopeless romantic with a cynical streak but can I do normal? What the hell is normal anyway? Because normal for me may mean dysfunctional for somebody else.

‘You deserve happiness’

I deserve someone who treats me right. For me…that means someone who listens to me…someone who can see that I am just me…A bit of a nerd, very much a spazz, a hopeless romantic, cynical and truly passionate. I want comfort…yet I want to be surprised. I don’t know…maybe I’ve been far too deprived for so long to even appreciate the good things…but oh I would appreciate them…I would appreciate him.

Because that’s what I do. I appreciate the little things…and I appreciate everyone around me…because I just care…because that’s who I am.

All I’m looking for is my Prince Charmin™

I just wonder…in the land of couples that is my life…will I even come across the person to appreciate me?

Or will I always give advice and bask in the happiness and romance of others?

Where are you in couple-land? Married? Engaged? Somewhere in between? Did you always know you’d get here or did it take you by surprise?

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Kendall May 5, 2009, 7:51 am

    In couple-land I’m at the steady relationship stage and that one…yeah, complete surprise may be an understatement. I was a mite shocked when I realized that our one year anniversary is coming up later this month. Of course I’m only 21 so in the back of my head, I know that this could end. But I’ll enjoy it as long as I can.

    Kendall’s last blog post..Conversations With A 4 Year-Old Volume II

  • Sarahh May 5, 2009, 8:23 am

    Don’t even get me started in this arena. Urg.

    I relate to it though. More than you know…

  • Miss Tricky May 5, 2009, 8:29 am

    I am somewhere in between, always have been. And no, I never see it coming. Ever. I am always oblivious to any male attention and usually someone has to beat me over the head to get me to notice. I have been blessed with 3 really important relationships in my life- one amazing one that I had to fuck up to learn a lesson/too young, one that gave me my son and a deadly serious wake-up call about how I was living, and now one that is teaching me that life goes on. I suppose if I died right now with a love history of unrealized dreams and tragic messes I would still be fortunate that I had the love of 3 great men. How I got that love I do not know. Seriously. In my experience it tends to happen against my will when I am not looking but am apparently ready. You will not always be alone. I promise.

    Miss Tricky’s last blog post..T minus 19 days…

  • Cassie May 5, 2009, 8:39 am

    I’ve often wondered why people come to me with relationship advice, I don’t even want to BE in one…..lol

  • Tinyshrimp May 5, 2009, 9:52 am

    For someone who has never been in an actual “relationship” you have great insight, and I value your opinion.

  • perpstu May 5, 2009, 10:05 am

    I’m living in married land….the suburbs, no make that the back forty. Even when you’re cinched in, it’s not always easy. I don’t think there’s any such thing as a “normal” relationship that doesn’t exist on a silver screen. You’ll find your Prince Charmin one day and he won’t be perfect, he will be yours. *HUGS*

  • SLG May 5, 2009, 10:45 am

    being in a relationship has its benefits, but honestly being single can be waaaay more fun, and easier. if you find someone to just bring as a date when needed and cuddle up and watch a movie with on occasion, you’ll be fine. that’s really the only time you need them. oh, and for a booty call.

    SLG’s last blog post..Walter The Farting Dog

  • On a limb with Claudia May 5, 2009, 10:58 am

    I’ve never really been single. But I’m a middle child – could have a relationship with a rock and be happy. 😉

    On a limb with Claudia’s last blog post..Simply Kind Tuesdays : Week 27 : Speak to me.

  • Lemmonex May 5, 2009, 11:01 am

    Single, single, single. Don’t know how to change this, really. perhaps a move?

    Lemmonex’s last blog post..On Me

  • Yelena May 5, 2009, 11:26 am

    I thought this was a cute blog.
    I saw a red heart on the facebook page that was in the picture and was like aww because it reminded me of the red heart necklace that my boyfriend gave me for Christmas.
    I don’t think people ever see themselves in the relationship they end up in. I think things really just happen as they should. I think we end up thinking one way and life takes us on a diff path all together. I never saw myself in a relationship and if you told me six months ago I would be in one I would of thought you were insane. I never wanted a relationship for a lot of personal reasons (nothing to do with a fear of commitment but more of a fear of the exact opposite). I didn’t want to date any typical 24 year old guy (beer pong, video games, and chasing girls)…at 24 I’m ready and wanting steady and somewhat serious then a boy toy. I think lady luck had a lot to do with my find because I don’t think things like this just happen. I would have to say I am the happiest I have ever been and the most fulfilled. I feel lucky and happy every single day and am just thankful for him being in my life.
    I don’t know if its safe to say that everyone wants to be in a relationship but I think everyone wants to feel loved, cared for, and safe. They want their lives to be made better by someone else. I guess be taken care of.

    I think in your life you will come across a relationship that you won’t want to be without. I don’t know how you know, but I think when you are really ready for it will come to you. Think of all this advice giving and listening from others as a way of learning. The more you hear and understand relationship problems from others the easier you will have it in your own when the time comes. All I can really say is you can’t rush fate and everything really happens for a reason and just as it should.

  • Jaime @ Fast Times May 5, 2009, 12:51 pm

    Where am I in couple-land? Ho man, that’s a loaded question. I’m with Walter. There are no titles or categories we can be placed in, besides the fact that we’re in love.

    Yes. I love.

    I’ve known it for years, as has he, but chose to avoid it because I wasn’t ready. Now I’m ready. I’m ready for the things I deserve instead of giving everything to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I’m ready to be a PARTNER, not the mule that pulls the relationship wagon all by it’s little lonesome. With Walter I can, do, and will have that. That’s where I am: happy and ready.

    Jaime @ Fast Times’s last blog post..Vacation Photoblog

  • LivingWicked May 5, 2009, 3:01 pm

    I have always known. And, I am in marriage village.

    LivingWicked’s last blog post..Wicked’s Guide to AH-MAZING Cunningulus

  • LiLu May 5, 2009, 3:04 pm

    You know my story, darlin. Blindsided, completely, and moved in together after 2.5 months. And honestly? It was torture to wait that long.

    When ya know, ya know. It’ll blindside you too. And I’ll be there to point and laugh. (Lovingly.)

    LiLu’s last blog post..I’m Calling a Switcheroo

  • f.B May 6, 2009, 4:38 pm

    Relationships are brilliant, fragile things. You always seem to have a good, confidence about you, so I feel like this is preaching to the choir… but being in a relationship doesn’t make you any more complete if it’s not right for you. So don’t rush into it. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to.

    f.B’s last blog post..a piglet service announcement

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