I’m realizing that I’m going down a path of self-destruction once again. I do it every time something positive is happening in my life, because as you know, I am not worthy of anything good.
So on this path of self-destruction, I’ve neglected my health (What else is new), I’ve let myself give into stress eating & gain weight and I’ve also given into alcohol & Starbucks as my crutches to avoid dealing with my problems again. I realize Starbucks may not make much sense to you guys but those of you who knew me 3 years ago know exactly what kind of path of self-destruction I was on and the place that Starbucks had in all of it.
So, here I am, overweight (according to my pants), acnified once again (because I stopped using my treatment) & quite unhappy with myself because I’ve let things get away. When I get stressed, I let everything go. I’ve also turned into a hypocrite because I have friends who have come to depend on me over the last few months…and how can I tell them to stop using alcohol as a crutch or find their own self-worth if I’m going against everything I preach?
Here’s where my life stands and here is what I’m going to do to get back on track.
I’ve been at my job for almost 6 months…I do love my job but I haven’t been taking as much initiative as I could. I’ve been more focused on the communications side over GR and when I could be learning more about the industry, I’ve been sort of taking the backseat to avoid getting too involved with GR. I should probably stop that…because taking initiative will give me more responsibility…I feel that more responsibility means that I have more ways to fuck up…though I should have more confidence in myself. So once school is finished, I will be putting more focus on work and attending more meetings to get involved in the issues. Overachiever girl is back!
I just need to not procrastinate. That is all.
Let me just say that I do not have a problem with my body overall. Curvalicious? Yes, please. I just have a comfort zone where my clothes fit fine and it’s just about the right weight for my body…I don’t diet…ever. I just should exercise more and I’ve clearly let myself go over the last few months. I’m currently 13 lbs over the weight where I can comfortably fit my ass into my pants without a muffin top forming. Thank god the weather is nice now so I can wear my dresses. I haven’t been eating balanced meals and I’ve been giving into my every craving (Taco salad at lunch with fries and Chinese for dinner and snacks in between? Hello sloth-land.) So, in order to drop those 13 lbs and get back into my ‘healthy’ shape, I will:
~Stop eating out everyday for lunch.
~Cut down the Starbucks to 2 a week (At MOST)
~Cut down the alcohol to once a week
~Cut down the soda to 3 times a week (AT MOST)
~Do not, under any circumstance, give into any cravings past 8:30 PM
~Drink more water (I should be doing this so my kidneys don’t die anyway) & cranberry juice
~Take a walk everyday, even if it’s just for 15 minutes (Fresh air anyone?)
~Laugh more (BURN CARBS PEOPLE!)
~Have more orgasms (With or without the help of nooners. The frequency of nooners depends on the driver.)
~Continue my treatment for my acne so I don’t hate myself.
Sounds reasonable right? Any tips on eating healthy to lose weight?
I’ve been neglecting blogs (See all the stress from above), friends and most of all, I’ve been neglecting my own writing. This will all change once school is done and I get my life in order. After I move out (May 31st or earlier depending on my dad’s reaction), I will hopefully be more on task when it comes to my writing and networking in general. I have a lot of plans for the site and the HTML Tutorial site (I haven’t forgotten). I’m just really scattered at the moment and appreciate everyone’s patience, esp those of you who’ve asked me for help.
Everything in between will fall into place…I am making a HUGE change in my life and naturally, the fear and the stress that comes with it has me falling apart…
This summer will be my summer…I just have to make it through the next 5 weeks.
We at PQ Nation thank you for your patience, understanding and support as we try to get PQ’s mood swings under control.
Oh and I want to tell you all about the craziness that is my future home but this is all the time we have for today.
Tomorrow, same channel, same time, same dose of insanity.