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The Winds of Change…

I’m realizing that I’m going down a path of self-destruction once again. I do it every time something positive is happening in my life, because as you know, I am not worthy of anything good.

Ever. -.-

So on this path of self-destruction, I’ve neglected my health (What else is new), I’ve let myself give into stress eating & gain weight and I’ve also given into alcohol & Starbucks as my crutches to avoid dealing with my problems again. I realize Starbucks may not make much sense to you guys but those of you who knew me 3 years ago know exactly what kind of path of self-destruction I was on and the place that Starbucks had in all of it.

Anyway.

So, here I am, overweight (according to my pants), acnified once again (because I stopped using my treatment) & quite unhappy with myself because I’ve let things get away. When I get stressed, I let everything go. I’ve also turned into a hypocrite because I have friends who have come to depend on me over the last few months…and how can I tell them to stop using alcohol as a crutch or find their own self-worth if I’m going against everything I preach?

Here’s where my life stands and here is what I’m going to do to get back on track.

Work

I’ve been at my job for almost 6 months…I do love my job but I haven’t been taking as much initiative as I could. I’ve been more focused on the communications side over GR and when I could be learning more about the industry, I’ve been sort of taking the backseat to avoid getting too involved with GR. I should probably stop that…because taking initiative will give me more responsibility…I feel that more responsibility means that I have more ways to fuck up…though I should have more confidence in myself. So once school is finished, I will be putting more focus on work and attending more meetings to get involved in the issues. Overachiever girl is back!

School

I just need to not procrastinate. That is all.


Body/Health/Diet

Let me just say that I do not have a problem with my body overall. Curvalicious? Yes, please. I just have a comfort zone where my clothes fit fine and it’s just about the right weight for my body…I don’t diet…ever. I just should exercise more and I’ve clearly let myself go over the last few months. I’m currently 13 lbs over the weight where I can comfortably fit my ass into my pants without a muffin top forming. Thank god the weather is nice now so I can wear my dresses. I haven’t been eating balanced meals and I’ve been giving into my every craving (Taco salad at lunch with fries and Chinese for dinner and snacks in between? Hello sloth-land.) So, in order to drop those 13 lbs and get back into my ‘healthy’ shape, I will:

~Stop eating out everyday for lunch.
~Cut down the Starbucks to 2 a week (At MOST)
~Cut down the alcohol to once a week
~Cut down the soda to 3 times a week (AT MOST)
~Do not, under any circumstance, give into any cravings past 8:30 PM
~Drink more water (I should be doing this so my kidneys don’t die anyway) & cranberry juice
~Take a walk everyday, even if it’s just for 15 minutes (Fresh air anyone?)
~Laugh more (BURN CARBS PEOPLE!)
~Have more orgasms (With or without the help of nooners. The frequency of nooners depends on the driver.)
~Continue my treatment for my acne so I don’t hate myself.

Sounds reasonable right? Any tips on eating healthy to lose weight?


Blogging/Writing/Networking

I’ve been neglecting blogs (See all the stress from above), friends and most of all, I’ve been neglecting my own writing. This will all change once school is done and I get my life in order. After I move out (May 31st or earlier depending on my dad’s reaction), I will hopefully be more on task when it comes to my writing and networking in general. I have a lot of plans for the site and the HTML Tutorial site (I haven’t forgotten). I’m just really scattered at the moment and appreciate everyone’s patience, esp those of you who’ve asked me for help.

Everything in between will fall into place…I am making a HUGE change in my life and naturally, the fear and the stress that comes with it has me falling apart…

This summer will be my summer…I just have to make it through the next 5 weeks.

We at PQ Nation thank you for your patience, understanding and support as we try to get PQ’s mood swings under control.

Oh and I want to tell you all about the craziness that is my future home but this is all the time we have for today.

Tomorrow, same channel, same time, same dose of insanity.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • LivingWicked April 27, 2009, 12:24 am

    I am right beside you.

    LivingWicked’s last blog post..No Brat Zone!

  • Tonianne April 27, 2009, 12:28 am

    Your courage and dedication astounds me…and never ceases to inspire.

  • topsurf April 27, 2009, 6:00 am

    You are on your way. If I had your address i would send you my favorite book to give….”The places you will go.” By Dr. Suess. Don’t laugh! 🙂 You are wise beyond your years, & smack dab in the middle of an incredible journey. I have no doubt you will land solidly on your feet. This was a fantastic post, thanks for sharing your journey with us. (hugs)

  • Anita April 27, 2009, 7:44 am

    Twin 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Now SNAP OUT OF IT or I will come kick your hiney. Seriously. You are a star and the sooner you realize that and start to TRULY believe you deserve happiness the better life will be.

    I am right there with you, counting days until you move into the new place.

    <3 you Sweets.

  • Punisher April 27, 2009, 8:00 am

    hmmmmm….

    do i take the comic road or be genuinely supportive?

    PLEASE! You know me!!

    Now shoe horn those fucking jeans on and get over yourself! LOL

    Though most guys have a fat girl secret… you aint mine! lol

    You already know how I feel about the coffee… yuck!

    I would be happy if you just shaved your back once in while. LMAO

  • Miss Tricky April 27, 2009, 8:39 am

    I am cheering you on from the sidelines!

  • Punisher April 27, 2009, 9:39 am

    Im calling the Wahhmbulance!

  • Just A Girl April 27, 2009, 10:26 am

    I’m getting quite muffiny myself. Can’t afford new pants (although I desperately need some) so the solution is getting rid of the bulge. Sigh.

    Um also, I haven’t really done much work for the last couple of weeks and that has to stop. So now I’m going to…do some, I guess.

    Just A Girl’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: My brain is mush and so is this blog

  • Kendall April 27, 2009, 10:45 am

    Since middle school, I’ve had horrible self-confidence issues. So last summer one of my best friends bought me a framed poster of Winnie the Pooh with these words:

    “Promise me you’ll always remember: You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

    It has hung over my desk ever since.

    -hugs-

    Kendall’s last blog post..The Nomad, He Returns

  • Meghan April 27, 2009, 12:00 pm

    Haven’t you heard muffin tops are the best part of the muffin!!!! You know I’m here for you and I know that once you are out of your parents control your life will fall into place. I have no doubt that you can do everything you want to do <3

  • perpstu April 27, 2009, 12:01 pm

    Good luck Chica! I know you can pull yourself together and get to the place you want to be. We all have periods of time where we slide down the hill and have to climb back up again! (((HUGS)))

  • Caroline April 27, 2009, 1:35 pm

    Lots of goals . . . I wish you nothing but the best of luck in achieving them ALL!!!

  • PrincessQ April 27, 2009, 1:54 pm

    Thanks! 🙂

  • f.B April 27, 2009, 2:21 pm

    I feel like I’m being out-run by the pace the world is setting for me. I need to choose my own race. I think we all need vacations to not have to do anything other than put the pieces back together again.

    f.B’s last blog post..when keeping it real goes off

  • PrincessQ April 27, 2009, 2:39 pm

    I think we’re also too connected. When I went on vacation last year to Turkey, I was at the beach basically with no communication with the outside world except texting my best friend once a day…

    It.was.SO nice.

    I need a vacation like that again.

  • LiLu April 27, 2009, 4:58 pm

    5 weeks? Tuppence. Trivial. Paltry, even.

    You will get there. And it will be GLORIOUS.

    LiLu’s last blog post..Here’s How Last Night Went.

  • Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat April 28, 2009, 12:49 am

    I identify with pretty much this entire post. My biggest problem is that I want to fix everything and so I just get overhwelmed and I fix nothing. What’s really helped me is to pick just three things that I have to make a priority in my life and I just give myself permission not to worry about the rest of it.

    The things I picked were: making sure I’ve washed all of my dishes every night before bed, being consistent each week with my work hours, and packing a homemade lunch every day. They sound simple, but making change is a challenge for me. Telling myself that only these three things matter has helped me focus on them and make real positive change, which has helped renew my energy for other areas of my life.

    I don’t know if that would work for you, but I just wanted to share!

    Good luck, PQ.

    Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat’s last blog post..And Maybe I’m the One Who Broke It

  • justjp April 28, 2009, 12:54 pm

    I feel you on this. I have been destroying my body with ease lately. Alcohol and high gravity beers coupled with a lack of exercise has helped me gain a shit ton of weight. Who know an office job would do that to you???

    justjp’s last blog post..JP goes classy

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