I just felt like saying that.
There is a lot going on in my head and at the same time, I just don’t want to think about anything.
I’ve noticed something interesting over the last few months. I’m actually letting myself fall apart sometimes…and I let the people who love me pick up the pieces. This is a huge change from being the one who always picks everyone’s else’s pieces up and never lets others help me. It’s a nice change. It’s nice to know that I have people I count count on…unconditionally because they know that when I do fall apart, it’s because I can’t find the strength anymore but I will find my way again.
I’ve also become one of those douchebags with the complicated drink order at Starbucks. I shit you not. I guess this is where I get high-maintenance…I just KNOW what I like when it comes to food and drinks…if it tastes off, I won’t enjoy it…so if I’m a food snob and high maintenance, so be it…though I even cringe at my own Starbucks order sometimes. It is definitely worth it though when it tastes just right… (I was going to put in that clip from You’ve Got Mail where Tom Hanks talks about people ordering from Starbucks but I couldn’t find it online.)
I talked to my Dad on Saturday. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done because my brother told me that if he wasn’t OK with me leaving, then I probably wouldn’t. (He was right). So after spending the day in MD, we got home…My dad took one look at me and said “OK…what is it?” because I’d been running the convo in my head the entire day (Nay, the past month) and I guess it showed. So I asked him if he felt the same way about me getting a place of my own like my mom did…about single girls in the city and he said no. I asked him if he believed in me to make good choices and did he trust me and he said “Absolutely.” He thinks that summer is too soon…but I told him I was thinking seriously about it. He just said “We’ll see” but I heard what I needed to hear. I’ll talk to him sometime in April about the fact that I already have a place and I’ll be out at the end of May.
But I got the hard part over with…Until moving day that is.