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I just felt like saying that.

There is a lot going on in my head and at the same time, I just don’t want to think about anything.

I’ve noticed something interesting over the last few months. I’m actually letting myself fall apart sometimes…and I let the people who love me pick up the pieces. This is a huge change from being the one who always picks everyone’s else’s pieces up and never lets others help me. It’s a nice change. It’s nice to know that I have people I count count on…unconditionally because they know that when I do fall apart, it’s because I can’t find the strength anymore but I will find my way again.

I’ve also become one of those douchebags with the complicated drink order at Starbucks. I shit you not. I guess this is where I get high-maintenance…I just KNOW what I like when it comes to food and drinks…if it tastes off, I won’t enjoy it…so if I’m a food snob and high maintenance, so be it…though I even cringe at my own Starbucks order sometimes. It is definitely worth it though when it tastes just right… (I was going to put in that clip from You’ve Got Mail where Tom Hanks talks about people ordering from Starbucks but I couldn’t find it online.)

I talked to my Dad on Saturday. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done because my brother told me that if he wasn’t OK with me leaving, then I probably wouldn’t. (He was right). So after spending the day in MD, we got home…My dad took one look at me and said “OK…what is it?” because I’d been running the convo in my head the entire day (Nay, the past month) and I guess it showed. So I asked him if he felt the same way about me getting a place of my own like my mom did…about single girls in the city and he said no. I asked him if he believed in me to make good choices and did he trust me and he said “Absolutely.” He thinks that summer is too soon…but I told him I was thinking seriously about it. He just said “We’ll see” but I heard what I needed to hear. I’ll talk to him sometime in April about the fact that I already have a place and I’ll be out at the end of May.

But I got the hard part over with…Until moving day that is.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • susan March 3, 2009, 11:48 am

    ‘The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino. ‘ not a clip but its

  • pecosa March 3, 2009, 11:51 am

    What exactly do you order at Starbucks???

    I’m glad you had the talk with your dad and that it went well. Him backing you will make everything that much better.

  • Jaime March 3, 2009, 1:52 pm

    I’m glad you got the hard part out of the way for now. I bet it’s a small relief. Let yourself relax about it for a while before you start worrying again, ok?

  • Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas March 3, 2009, 2:05 pm

    First of all, good for you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable. We all need to fall apart sometimes, especially when we have friends and family who can help us pull it together in a new and better way.

    Secondly, there is no shame in knowing what you want in life an getting it they way you want it. Coffee, careers, love, whatever. Know what you want and go and get it.

    Finally, about the move – good for you. Independence is an important thing, just be smart about your timing and resources. Figure out what you need to do to live your best life and make no apologies for getting what you need.


  • Meghan March 3, 2009, 3:17 pm

    The part about your father hits home and brings me back. When I moved to Boston from my small town in MI at 21 he was practically livid…truthfully, he was scared and nervous and concerned about me, but it came out as angry. He relaxed soon enough…but it was very hard coming clean about my intentions to move.

    On another note…I need a more complicated Starbucks order! One Starbucks has my iced venti red-eye already made for me by the time I get to the front of the line to pay when they see me coming. Makes me feel boring!

  • LiLu March 3, 2009, 3:26 pm

    Oh man, those convos with your dad are the HARDEST… I still remember trying to explain to my parents that I was moving in with an ex… at age 19… didn’t go so well! Glad you got that off your chest 🙂

  • perpstu March 3, 2009, 3:32 pm

    You can do it! I’m glad you finally talked to your dad, it gives him a few months to get used to the idea. You are going to do great things!

  • Just Jen March 3, 2009, 4:13 pm

    I love you and am so proud of the progress you continually make in your life.

  • Tristan|the almost right word March 3, 2009, 7:34 pm

    You sneaky girl, you! I planned on posting that EXACT A Softer World tomorrow!! Maybe I still will. Either way, you are gonna get a little link love out of it. 😉

  • cajunvegan March 3, 2009, 10:26 pm

    I think that it is inconceivable that some people are so openly selfish. You, my dear, are not one of those people. I would venture to say you are selfless when it comes to other people’s feelings. You are more mature at almost 24 than some thirtysomethings I thought I knew. Your duty to love and family is to be commended.

  • Tinyshrimp March 4, 2009, 9:34 am

    How did I miss this yesterday?

    Yes, you are high maintenance, but that’s why we love you. 😉

    I’m glad that your dad said he was okay with it. I just hope that no matter what he says about whether or not it’s too soon that you will go ahead with your plans. Moving out at 24 is NOT too soon!

    I love you LOTS AND LOTS!

  • f.B March 4, 2009, 11:57 am

    “let the people who love me pick up the pieces”

    This takes so much faith and then so much practice and then so much faith…

  • Nic March 4, 2009, 12:19 pm

    Yer a big girl now and it’s time for pops to let you out on yer own.

    The hardest part for him will be accepting it, b/c hey.. who wants to let their children go?

    It will all work out tho 🙂

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