I have to preface this blog by saying that I don’t remember half the shit we laughed about at lunch on Friday and it wasn’t because of the alcohol. I just have really bad short term memory…and I tend to remember the most random shit weeks after it happens.
No, I’m serious.
So anyway, on Friday, my best friend finally decided to get her VA-Driving ass to DC to have lunch with me. I have been best friends with this girl for four years…and no one else compares…EVER. She’s seen me through some bad shit and it’s scary how much we are alike. We talk basically every day but I hadn’t SEEN her in over two years…
Because I knew that she couldn’t drive or park in DC, I told her that when she picked me up, I’d drive to find us a spot. I knew she was using her GPS so I called her when I knew she was close and said “Where’s your country ass?”…and then she pulled up, I got in the driver’s seat and she hung on for dear life.
Apparently, I’m a crazy driver because I can switch lanes at fast speeds. *shifty eyes* Slow-ass VA drivers…(I LOVE YOU!)
So it’s middle of the day in DC and not only does traffic SUCK, it’s hard to find a parking spot but I found a great one right near Rumors…but it was a small spot…and I had big-ass trucks all around me with cars going down a 3 lane street…In a car that I’ve never driven in with mirrors not adjusted. I got into the space fine…Kind of. The back tire was really close to the sidewalk and I may have scratched it a LITTLE BIT but I got the car in really good, surprisingly. As I’m parking, this dude walking by says “Get a license” to which I replied “Get a face” without missing a beat…As I’m getting into the spot, this BIG ASS DELIVERY TRUCK basically blocks me in…but he was cute and he gave us a quarter for the meter so yay.
So we walk down to Rumors (Oh yeah, this is where it gets good) and I found out Meg had never had a cosmo before so naturally I told Jess to make us two extra strong cosmos. I introduced Meg to all the regulars as my best friend EVER…EVER…and…then the trouble started. I can’t tell you what we laughed about. I can’t describe the moments…like when Meg admitted to not being able to parallel park and the chick across the bar from us said “Ohhhhhh…you had a male instructor did you? Were you *hand gesture* during the test?” Or when Meg said “Nice to meet you” to one of the people at the bar as he was leaving and after he left, she turned to me and asked “Did I meet him?” and I just said “No.”…and laughed my ass off and her head hit the bar so she could hide her face…
So when we were done at lunch, I drove us back and I drove back in such a way that all Meg had to do was turn RIGHT at the light and go down straight to take 66-West to go back to VA…I mean, I couldn’t have made it any easier…
Naturally, she calls me 10 minutes later saying she’s lost. I have no idea but she ended up on N Street somehow and I was trying to give her directions when she insisted on saying that she needed to get on 66-East. “You sent me to 66-West. I need to go to 66-East.” (No, she didn’t)…So I’m trying to give her directions, I’m on the phone with her…I get in my boss’ office and he’s giving me directions to give to her…Meg’s yelling at people around her saying “I’m from VA…I don’t know where I’m going…”
& Then I hear “Ohhh…I think I’m supposed to go to 66-West…”
Meet my best friend…my girlfriend…my partner in crime!