≡ Menu

Got Something To Lose So I Gotta Move

It’s been a helluva week. You win some, you lose some…This week, I think it was a tie.

I fight too many battles all at once. I fight for my sanity, I fight for my future, I fight for stability in my home, I fight the demons of my past, I fight the heartbreaks, I fight for my brother’s future, I fight…and I fight…and at some point, something’s gotta give.

This week, I realized that I’m maybe TOO passionate about life (That I will get to at a later date.)

This week, I realized that no one who genuinely *loves* someone can stand by and hurt them on purpose. Not after everything that’s been passed between two people…not after all this time. So I realized that, as painful as it is, when it’s time to let go…it’s time to let go.

This week, I realized that I LOVE being challenged…and it is so disappointing when something that is supposed to challenge me falls flat. (i.e. my classes).

This week, I realized that I really do love my job, despite the bullshit sometimes.

This week, I realized that without realizing, I was making my life revolve around something that no longer really exists…again.

This week, I felt like a bad daughter because there are days I can’t do much to help my dad…no matter how much I want to.

This week, I realized that I got cheated out of my promised salary at my old job.

This week, I realized that in order to feel fulfilled, I need a new challenge in my life. So next chapter? A part time job at a restaurant…an industry I’ve never worked at…I’m terrified but damn it, I’m going to do this.

This week, I realized that some people who come to my blog as a result of a google search must be pretty fucking disappointed…Like whoever was looking for a ‘midget stylist’ yesterday…

This week, I realized that I really want to pursue photography as a hobby. So I need a new camera.

This week, I realized that I really do want true love. With the works. The text messages just to say hi, the flowers just because…I want to feel appreciated and wanted…I want balance. I want…I want what I deserve…because as hard as it is for me to admit that I actually deserve something good…I know that I don’t deserve to be treated like shit. I want someone who gets ME for ME…With all of my quirks and insecurities and dreams and passions and dorkiness and hopes and those moments…those moments when all I need is someone to just hold me.

So tomorrow’s Monday. A new week. I wonder what battles I’ll lose…because in this life, you always win some…and there are times you just have to lose.

I see your dirty face
High behind your collar
What is done in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
So you pray to God
To justify the way you live a lie, live a lie, live a lie
And you take your time
And you do your crime
Well you made your bed
I’m in mine
— “Let It Rock”

Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy shit, what a ride!”

~ Mavis Leyrer

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Just Jen February 1, 2009, 12:48 am

    I love you…unconditionally… and am so proud of you. Onward and upward!

  • cajunvegan February 1, 2009, 1:27 pm

    What a positive outlook for the week ahead! Have a fucking fabulous one!

  • NotAMeanGirl February 1, 2009, 1:32 pm

    I feel you hon. I’m trying to make similar changes and commitments to myself. It sucks. It’s hard. But we really ARE worth it.

  • topsurf February 1, 2009, 1:35 pm

    you never cease to amaze me. keep on keeping on girlie.

  • janey la loca February 1, 2009, 1:41 pm

    Way to go, chica! Words to live by xoxoxox

  • Cassie February 1, 2009, 2:17 pm

    yeah, I definitely need a better start to a week this week. I look forward to it.

  • perpstu February 1, 2009, 3:54 pm

    I am proud of you too. You are taking charge of yourself and your life and are doing what it takes to achieve your dreams. Keep it up! XOXOXO

%d bloggers like this: