It’s been a helluva week. You win some, you lose some…This week, I think it was a tie.
I fight too many battles all at once. I fight for my sanity, I fight for my future, I fight for stability in my home, I fight the demons of my past, I fight the heartbreaks, I fight for my brother’s future, I fight…and I fight…and at some point, something’s gotta give.
This week, I realized that I’m maybe TOO passionate about life (That I will get to at a later date.)
This week, I realized that no one who genuinely *loves* someone can stand by and hurt them on purpose. Not after everything that’s been passed between two people…not after all this time. So I realized that, as painful as it is, when it’s time to let go…it’s time to let go.
This week, I realized that I LOVE being challenged…and it is so disappointing when something that is supposed to challenge me falls flat. (i.e. my classes).
This week, I realized that I really do love my job, despite the bullshit sometimes.
This week, I realized that without realizing, I was making my life revolve around something that no longer really exists…again.
This week, I felt like a bad daughter because there are days I can’t do much to help my dad…no matter how much I want to.
This week, I realized that I got cheated out of my promised salary at my old job.
This week, I realized that in order to feel fulfilled, I need a new challenge in my life. So next chapter? A part time job at a restaurant…an industry I’ve never worked at…I’m terrified but damn it, I’m going to do this.
This week, I realized that some people who come to my blog as a result of a google search must be pretty fucking disappointed…Like whoever was looking for a ‘midget stylist’ yesterday…
This week, I realized that I really want to pursue photography as a hobby. So I need a new camera.
This week, I realized that I really do want true love. With the works. The text messages just to say hi, the flowers just because…I want to feel appreciated and wanted…I want balance. I want…I want what I deserve…because as hard as it is for me to admit that I actually deserve something good…I know that I don’t deserve to be treated like shit. I want someone who gets ME for ME…With all of my quirks and insecurities and dreams and passions and dorkiness and hopes and those moments…those moments when all I need is someone to just hold me.
So tomorrow’s Monday. A new week. I wonder what battles I’ll lose…because in this life, you always win some…and there are times you just have to lose.
I see your dirty face
High behind your collar
What is done in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
So you pray to God
To justify the way you live a lie, live a lie, live a lie
And you take your time
And you do your crime
Well you made your bed
I’m in mine — “Let It Rock”
Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy shit, what a ride!”
~ Mavis Leyrer