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Down Memory Lane…

You know what’d be nice? If I could go back to being the way I was freshman year in college when I could go for days just on a couple of hours of sleep and still be functional.

Now?

Now I’m like a friggin zombie if I don’t get a couple of hours a night.

Really?

Come on. I can’t sleep but I need to be able to function. We have got to work this out.

So I’m back to school, as you guys know. Most of you didn’t know me back in the day when I was still in school full-time. When I first walked into that good old Starbucks on campus a couple of years ago, a wave of emotion just hit me. That Starbucks, that campus, those streets, those buildings…Oh if they could talk. I’ve had the best days, the worst days, the strangest days, the weakest days, the scariest days of my life on that campus. As I walk down the street, I see myself, 4 years ago, on the phone.

Crying. Laughing. Upset. Rejected. Loved. Betrayed. Wanted. Neglected. Scared. Brave. Alone.

The Starbucks has changed a little bit. Naturally, the people changed. So did the ‘layout’. I was hoping that enough time had passed that I can walk those streets without being hit of fear. Most of those memories, the way I felt back then, I’d like to forget. I was young, and scared. I braved a lot and I pushed through a lot. And then I hit rock bottom. I would spend basically endless hours at that Starbucks, not going to class, not going home. I’d fool myself and say that I’d do classwork when all I’d do was spend time in a black hole. Because I just couldn’t figure out where to hang on to climb back out of the hole.

Now, 3 years later, I’m out of the hole. There are days I am not strong enough to look back because it’s as if I’m stuck in that moment, the darkness bearing down on me. And there are days I can look back and laugh at the good things.

Sometimes I do wish for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind…

Is there such a place for you that brings back memories, good or bad? If you went back years later, what memory would be the strongest for you associated with that place?

Take me down your memory lane…

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • NotAMeanGirl January 27, 2009, 9:20 am

    My memory lane? It involves hope, optimism and innocence. I’m working on reclaiming some of that, myself.

    I know you’re going to do great hon! *hugs*

  • Jaime January 27, 2009, 9:30 am

    I guess for me that place would be Chariho High School.

  • perpstu January 27, 2009, 9:42 am

    My memory lane? I have lots of good places and a few that every time I think about them I get a pit in my stomach. I understand….

    XOXOXO

  • f.B January 27, 2009, 11:21 am

    I’d have to go to a place where the memories aren’t, to where I’ve forgotten more than I remember. I wanna know what happened between birth and age 4. So that means Stamford, CT from 1982-1985 or so.

  • Just Jen January 27, 2009, 12:54 pm

    Love you – and I’m so proud of you. You’ve grown into quite the remarkable woman!

    I guess my memory lane would involve my few happy years in Redding, CA and fishing on Lake Berryessa with my grandfather before his death in Napa, CA

  • Squish January 27, 2009, 1:45 pm

    My place was Baylor…and the strongest emotions when I went back years later were hate, anger, bitterness, oppression, fear and loathing.

    Cherie and I spent more than a couple hours sitting on swing and talking/working through it all… I can go back now without those ghosts haunting my every step. It’s one of my favorite “getaway” spots now, and I NEVER would have thought that was possible.

  • bethany January 27, 2009, 4:14 pm

    Mostly my memories improve with age… Even the saddest of all, I usually blur the emotion in my mind… Most people are like that, I believe…

    Probably the house I once shared with my now ex-husband would be one place I don’t ever want to see again… probably the one place that happy memories would not exist, but I have no reason to go there and no reason to want to dredge that past up. It’s healed, but why chance it?

  • RockerJenn January 28, 2009, 11:22 am

    **hugs**

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