“So I was in the garage and noticed that his car was still there. Then…I realized that uh…he was sitting in it.”
“Did you say hi?”
“Cuz uh, he was in his car!”
“You should’ve at least waved”
“Uh no. Cuz in order to wave, I’d have to kinda lean down cuz he has a sports car”
This is a real conversation that went on between Kelly and me a few months ago about a cute guy that I would see in front of my building EVERYDAY.
“JUST TALK TO THEM” my friends would yell at me on the phone because every time I came back from lunch, I’d see the cute guy in front of the building, call Kelly and go “Oh my god, I saw him again”. She’d ask me the same thing “Did you at least wave?” …”No..but I will next time.” …”Yeah, OK”.
It’s not that I don’t want to..it’s weird. I can flirt with all the guys at Rumors or any other place I go to but if I really like a guy, then I get SUPER shy. It’s like, if I think it’s just fleeting, then I’m all bubbly, outgoing and smart-ass and teasing. If it’s a guy that I might have potential with, I get all tongue tied and turn into mush. This leads to me giving off a kind of snobby impression, which I’m not AT ALL.
Most people don’t think “Shy”…they think “Snobby bitch”. I can’t tell you the number of people that have told me, after we became friends, that they thought I was a super bitch when they first saw me, etc. When I was 18 and I was back in Turkey, at the beach, I became friends with these two girls that were 16. They told me that they were scared of me because they thought I was a bitch.
Of course, I give off a lot of impressions online too, the biggest one being that I’m an attention whore…which…uh…I am. So that’s not a lie. And yes, I’m obnoxious, at times…but I’m also a lot of fun and I KNOW I’m a good friend. I CAN be a bitch if provoked or if I’m just in a mean mood…but overall, the first impressions that people have of me tend to be based on what they think I’m feeling versus what I’m fighting with inside.
Despite the obnoxious attitude and the loud bubbly personality, I’m still VERY self-conscious and shy, though I’ve gotten better. What people think of me don’t affect me that much anymore but there’s still that “Oh they’re going to get sick of me ANYWAY” attitude that I have which effects my interactions with people. Just cause you think I’m sexy doesn’t mean I do.
Anyway. What was I saying?