≡ Menu

Trying to Stay Positive

My horoscope can suck it. No, really. It’s telling me that even though I have to choose responsibility over independence, I have to get over it. Why? I’ve been getting over it for YEARS. I have a family that drains me emotionally and I support them in every way I can. You know what I get? Abuse. No appreciation whatsoever. My dreams crushed. And to top it off, these days, I feel like I can’t depend on anyone else. I feel lonelier than I ever have and I don’t know how to “get over it.”

So dear stars, please choke on a fat one and die.

I’m trying to stay positive. Through it all, I wake up everyday, hoping that this day will be a good one. Squish said she wouldn’t have known that I was in a bad mood the past few days. So I guess I still have what it takes to cover up the pain. But for how long, I don’t know. I’m going to be home for 3 days next week. 5 days with the weekend. I.am.dreading.it. My brother can’t understand how much pain and anguish he’s causing ME by picking fights with my mom. When I was his age and I was going through the abuse, I held on to be strong for HIM.

I’m always strong for everyone else.

When will it be my turn to be able to seek comfort in someone or will I just keep being drained until there’s absolutely nothing left?

I’m trying…I swear I am. But some days, all I can do is crawl under the covers and cry.


A Little Inspiration

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, It is between you and God;
It never was between you and them anyway.

Author Unknown

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • LivingWicked December 21, 2008, 7:39 pm

    I wish there was a happy medium… so you dont have to ‘cover it up’.

    you better never use family drama cover up with me.

    LivingWicked’s last blog post..Complimentary.

  • pecosa December 21, 2008, 8:47 pm

    You know you have people you don’t have to cover it up with, we’re here for you ma.

    pecosa’s last blog post..morons travel in packs

  • topsurf December 22, 2008, 6:19 am

    “I’m trying…I swear I am. But some days, all I can do is crawl under the covers and cry.” Know that if you do feel this way, there are friends of yours that are here for you. *hugs* This does really say it all…. “You see, in the final analysis, It is between you and God; It never was between you and them anyway.” Just keep remembering that because that’s all you really need to know.

    topsurf’s last blog post..Yay! Guest Blogger Today!!

  • bethany December 23, 2008, 4:30 pm

    I don’t know how you feel on the abuse level…. at least not physical… but, my mom is a real joy to behold on an emotionally abusive level.

    I’m not spending the holidays with them. I’d rather spend them alone, than to have to deal with the fact that she thinks I’m not happy because I’m not a size 0 and have no man (that she’s aware of) hanging all over me while we open presents.

    I’ve learned a lot in the past few weeks on happiness. My mother thinks happiness is equated by marriage and tiny figures and babies. While I want marriage and babies (the most I can ever have is a medium figure, and I’m fine with that…), I also want them with the right man and at the right time for both of us. That they don’t and won’t understand my current relationship issues is what breaks my heart. They’d tell me I was dreaming and wouldn’t believe me, no matter what…

    Oh, and that dreaming thing… yeah… they didn’t allow me to do that, either…

    I’m so sorry you’re going to be going through a difficult time. Just remember to breathe. It’s about all you can do sometimes.

Next post:

Previous post:

%d bloggers like this: