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Itching to Move On

I need a change. I need *the* change. I need out. I need freedom. I need to know that I can live my life on my terms.

I need to start MY life.

I have no idea when it’s going to happen. I’m a horrible person for wishing that maybe…maybe it’d be best for everyone involved if our house did get foreclosed on? Then my parents could go back to Turkey, my dad wouldn’t have to worry about making mortgage payments, my brother could be surrounded by family and get his life back together and me…

Well, I’m the selfish one out of it all. I just want my chance at a life. My future is bright. Everything is within my reach…there is just a big glass wall…I can’t seem to break through. I feel like I won’t be able to break through and I’ll just be on this side of the wall, wishing and thinking about the life I could be having.

Being with the one person I want to be with…Accomplishing the goals I want to accomplish…Making the impact I want to make…Living the life I worked so hard to live…

I keep constantly hitting that glass wall. Hitting…bouncing back…and living with the bruises covered up with a smile.

Because that’s all I can do.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jaime December 12, 2008, 2:32 pm

    It’s not selfish to want to live uninhibited sweetheart. It’s not selfish to want what’s best for yourself. You have to come first (a lesson I can preach but still don’t have down myself quite yet), and when you’ve learned how to put yourself first THEN you can take care of others. It ain’t ever easy to watch those you love go down, but sometimes going down is the only way they can get back on top of things again.

    You aren’t wishing harm on anyone, you’re simply wishing for things to be better.

    As always, I love you.

    Jaime’s last blog post..I LOVE…Fridays – Week 2

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