Naturally, if you haven’t already seen this week’s episode of Heroes, then DON’T READ!
OK, my head is still spinning from last night’s 2 hour episode so let’s see if I can get everything in…If I miss something, help me out.
So 4 years into the future, all the heroes are living in concentration camps because of Nathan’s announcement. Bad-Ass Claire pulls a gun on Bad-Ass Peter but he naturally doesn’t get shot. Bad-Ass Peter (I STILL DON’T GET THAT FUCKING SCAR!) comes back to the present and shoots Nathan before he can tell everyone about the SPECHULS! Emo Peter runs after Bad-Ass Peter but can’t catch him. Naturally, this action sets of a chain reaction of events that will BRING THE END OF THE WORLD.
While Nathan is fighting for his life, his illegitimate daughter is spazzing out in LA…packs to go save her father and then…Oh hi, Sylar. SYLAR?! So, save the cheerleader, save the world is kind of a moot point…Claire’s power to heal means shit if she can’t defend herself!
In the meantime, Mohinder has sent Molly packing somewhere so she can be safe. Whiny-Ass Maya is still up Mohinder’s ass about finding a cure for her curse. Did anyone else notice that suddenly, her English is accent-free?
In Tokyo, Hiro has taken over his dad’s company and like any good old son taking over a family fortune, he’s playing at his big shiny desk, moving time back, forth and whatnot. Then, DESTINY comes knocking. Actually, it’s his dad’s lawyer bringing him a DVD that his dad recorded before he died. “Hiro, if you’re watching this, I’m dead.” Well, isn’t that a lovely cliche? Hiro’s told NEVER EVER TO OPEN THE SAFE WHERE THE FORMULA IS OR IT COULD MEAN THE END OF THE WORLD.
What does Hiro do?
“I asked you not to open the safe dumbass”
Of course, the formula is stolen by a speeder (New HERO ALERT), who turns out to be a thief living in Paris who becomes Hiro’s “Catwoman”. Hiro goes into the future to see the consequences of his childish actions and of course, he sees his best friend Ando killing him. I mean, it’s Heroes. What else did you expect?
Nathan, looking dead and all, suddenly wakes up. Of course, he’s seen god. Bad-Ass Peter takes the place of Emo-Peter who is now stuck in the body of a villain in Level 5 at the Company. Oy, this is getting confusing. While Emo-Peter is stuck in a body, Parkman is lying in the heat somewhere with scorpion’s crawling on his face.
Claire is lying with her brain cut open a la Hannibal Lecter while Sylar is admiring her beautiful brain. “How do we make love stay?”
“Are you going to eat my brain?”
“Claire, that’s disgusting” (BEST LINE OF THE EPISODE!)
Sylar gets Claire’s power but Claire lives because she’s SPECIAL. Even more special than everyone else with supernatural powers. She can’t die. (So she’s like a female Adam but now she can’t feel pain)
While his daughter is being cut open, Nathan’s in church, being healed by Linderman (DIDN’T THAT FUCKER DIE?!) while Bad-Ass Peter waits for the moment to shoot him but Nathan’s gone all born-again on everyone’s ass so Bad-Ass Peter just gives him a kiss. (Gotta love brotherly incestuous love). We find out that Mama Petrelli can see the future. Park-Man is stuck in AFRICA with another future painter…and Mohinder has…super strength? SPIDERMOHI!
Ew. Eyewash. Mohinder and Maya getting it on. Ew. Heh.Mohinder is peeling. Super-STDS!
Claire tries to get runover by a train but Bad-Ass Peter saves her. Can anyone else feel the sexual energy?
Schizo Niki is back! Only this time she’s Tracy and is an advisor to a government man and they want Nathan. Naturally. Oh and Nathan is seeing ghosts? Oh and Tracy freezes people.
“Oh I know you…biblically” (Nathan gets the second best line of the night)
Sylar is at the company, beheading everyone. OK well, he starts with Bob but when he tries to get Elle, she shocks him. Literally. So Sylar is caught again but all the villains escape. Dun-Dun-Dunnnn. Mama Petrelli takes over the company and gives Elle the boot. Oooh…IS SHE GONNA TURN EVIL?!
What I wanna know is…what the fuck is up with all the illegitamate children on this show?
“My name is Sylar and you are not my mother”
“Oh but I am”