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VILLAINS, EPISODE 1

Naturally, if you haven’t already seen this week’s episode of Heroes, then DON’T READ!

SPOILERS!!

OK, my head is still spinning from last night’s 2 hour episode so let’s see if I can get everything in…If I miss something, help me out.

So 4 years into the future, all the heroes are living in concentration camps because of Nathan’s announcement. Bad-Ass Claire pulls a gun on Bad-Ass Peter but he naturally doesn’t get shot. Bad-Ass Peter (I STILL DON’T GET THAT FUCKING SCAR!) comes back to the present and shoots Nathan before he can tell everyone about the SPECHULS! Emo Peter runs after Bad-Ass Peter but can’t catch him. Naturally, this action sets of a chain reaction of events that will BRING THE END OF THE WORLD.

Naturally.

While Nathan is fighting for his life, his illegitimate daughter is spazzing out in LA…packs to go save her father and then…Oh hi, Sylar. SYLAR?! So, save the cheerleader, save the world is kind of a moot point…Claire’s power to heal means shit if she can’t defend herself!

In the meantime, Mohinder has sent Molly packing somewhere so she can be safe. Whiny-Ass Maya is still up Mohinder’s ass about finding a cure for her curse. Did anyone else notice that suddenly, her English is accent-free?

In Tokyo, Hiro has taken over his dad’s company and like any good old son taking over a family fortune, he’s playing at his big shiny desk, moving time back, forth and whatnot. Then, DESTINY comes knocking. Actually, it’s his dad’s lawyer bringing him a DVD that his dad recorded before he died. “Hiro, if you’re watching this, I’m dead.” Well, isn’t that a lovely cliche? Hiro’s told NEVER EVER TO OPEN THE SAFE WHERE THE FORMULA IS OR IT COULD MEAN THE END OF THE WORLD.

What does Hiro do?

“I asked you not to open the safe dumbass”

Of course, the formula is stolen by a speeder (New HERO ALERT), who turns out to be a thief living in Paris who becomes Hiro’s “Catwoman”. Hiro goes into the future to see the consequences of his childish actions and of course, he sees his best friend Ando killing him. I mean, it’s Heroes. What else did you expect?

Nathan, looking dead and all, suddenly wakes up. Of course, he’s seen god. Bad-Ass Peter takes the place of Emo-Peter who is now stuck in the body of a villain in Level 5 at the Company. Oy, this is getting confusing. While Emo-Peter is stuck in a body, Parkman is lying in the heat somewhere with scorpion’s crawling on his face.

Claire is lying with her brain cut open a la Hannibal Lecter while Sylar is admiring her beautiful brain. “How do we make love stay?”

“Are you going to eat my brain?”
“Claire, that’s disgusting” (BEST LINE OF THE EPISODE!)

Sylar gets Claire’s power but Claire lives because she’s SPECIAL. Even more special than everyone else with supernatural powers. She can’t die. (So she’s like a female Adam but now she can’t feel pain)

While his daughter is being cut open, Nathan’s in church, being healed by Linderman (DIDN’T THAT FUCKER DIE?!) while Bad-Ass Peter waits for the moment to shoot him but Nathan’s gone all born-again on everyone’s ass so Bad-Ass Peter just gives him a kiss. (Gotta love brotherly incestuous love). We find out that Mama Petrelli can see the future. Park-Man is stuck in AFRICA with another future painter…and Mohinder has…super strength? SPIDERMOHI!

Ew. Eyewash. Mohinder and Maya getting it on. Ew. Heh.Mohinder is peeling. Super-STDS!

Claire tries to get runover by a train but Bad-Ass Peter saves her. Can anyone else feel the sexual energy?

Schizo Niki is back! Only this time she’s Tracy and is an advisor to a government man and they want Nathan. Naturally. Oh and Nathan is seeing ghosts? Oh and Tracy freezes people.

“Oh I know you…biblically” (Nathan gets the second best line of the night)

Sylar is at the company, beheading everyone. OK well, he starts with Bob but when he tries to get Elle, she shocks him. Literally. So Sylar is caught again but all the villains escape. Dun-Dun-Dunnnn. Mama Petrelli takes over the company and gives Elle the boot. Oooh…IS SHE GONNA TURN EVIL?!

What I wanna know is…what the fuck is up with all the illegitamate children on this show?

“My name is Sylar and you are not my mother”
“Oh but I am”

W…T…F?!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • LindaLou September 23, 2008, 10:17 am

    SURPRISE!! My password didn’t work…LOLOLOL

    Anyway…I watched it, and was terribly confused. I could’ve sworn that at the end, Peter calls Nathan and warns him that the Peter he is talking too isn’t really Peter,it is someone else.

    Must have been the Gimlet.

    I think they tried to cram too many episodes into a 2-hour segment, and it just didn’t work for me.
    I’d rather read the book.

  • pecosa September 23, 2008, 10:20 am

    Am I like the only one who’s not completely into this show? I guess it’s just because I don’t have time to actually watch a full episode…

  • aymie September 23, 2008, 10:50 am

    My theory for Tracy is that Jessica, her REAL twin, didn’t die, maybe Linderman brought her back to life, Haitian erased her mem, and she was raised somewhere else. I heard someone said the guy froze himself because he was scared, and Tracy didn’t do it. I have to see that part again, to make sure.
    If they are in fact twins, wouldn’t they share the same dna, thus sharing the same power? Or are powers developed for the good of that person…Like whatever would suit the person best in the eyes of evolution.
    hmmm.
    This is a fucking killer episode. And Future Claire looked fierce. She was so hot, dark hair, thick eyelashes, black leather “superhero suit” and a gun. Fuck Yeah!

  • LindaLou September 23, 2008, 11:23 am

    Forget ‘the look’…did you see the shit peeling off hisskin?!?!?!?

  • Just Jen September 23, 2008, 11:57 am

    I think that Linderman is projecting himself to Nathan. I also think that Sylar may be the biproduct of Angela Petrelli and Linderman (perhaps a test tube baby or perhaps she’s “technically” the mother of ALL of them)

    And it looks like HRG and Sylar are going to be teaming up to catch the escapees from 5 in an upcoming episode.

    I thought it was odd that Maya lost her HEAVY accent too. And did you notice that Mohinder’s chest was hairless when he was shirtless even though he clearly had hair on his chest in an early scene (you could see it coming out of his shirt neck)

  • WickedCourtni September 23, 2008, 12:05 pm

    I WAS SO EXCITED TO WATCH THIS!!!!

    I think that this will be the best season yet. I cannot wait to see what unfolds.

  • Caroline September 23, 2008, 1:39 pm

    I have never watched it. I know. Lame. But I love other people’s addictions to their own shows.

  • Kate September 23, 2008, 2:12 pm

    Lexi wouldn’t let me watch Heroes last night WAAAAA

    I saw the first like ten minutes lol

  • UnBreaKabLe September 23, 2008, 2:52 pm

    After that writer’s strike bullcrap, I was ready and waiting for something new, and I LOVED all two freaking hours of it! The soft core porn that went on between Maya and Mohinder, came completely out of left field, but I’m not mad at ’em either. LOL! I can’t wait to see what develops. These folks keep you guessing like ‘Lost’ used to.

  • Ron September 24, 2008, 3:51 pm

    I think Elle’s going through a moral crisis and ends up good. I have a theory with her and Sylar teaming up later (since it looks like Sylar is going to be working with Noah) to bring in the bad guys from level 5. Sylar’s new gold-transmuting power and Elle’s electrical ability could be seriously deadly.

    SpiderMoh. Niiiiiice 🙂

    xoxo

  • Vic September 24, 2008, 9:12 pm

    Yeah… Claire needs to learn to pack some heat. She would make the ultimate little sex toy, though… bang the shit out of her, beat her to a pulp, and then, voila! She’s all healed! She’s like a Real Doll for psychos…

    Anyhole, Peter is… stupid. Why does he continuously fuck things up when he knows that whatever he will do is wrong. I’d think that you’d JUST NOT DO ANYTHING EKSE TO MAKE IT WORSE!!! Fucking dildo.

    Mama Petrelli’s snatch seems like it’s taken more pounds than a British bank… from more depositors, too!

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